Saturday, April 2, 2011

She Speaks Contest

At ten years old, she is found sobbing in unbelief, all curdled up in her bed, her heart broken, crying to the Lord, "It can't be true, can it God? Mommy's and daddy's are supposed to love their children. How can my grandma say that they don't love me? Oh, Lord, please don't let it be true. I am sorry for ruining my mommy's life, help me be good so they might learn to love me...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...


At 18 years old, she is smiling with anticipation. "Lord, he asked me to marry him. Lord, could he really love me? Does he really love me? Lord, I love him. Lord, we are so young...Lord, please be with my marriage."

At 19 years old, joy overfills her heart. “Oh, Lord, she's beautiful. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this little one. Lord, I will love and protect her. Please help me to be a good mother to her. Thank you Lord.”

At 21 years old, once again, joy overfills her heart. “Oh, Lord another blessing, a boy. Thank you Lord for his safe delivery and blessing my husband and I with this little guy.

I'm sorry Lord, I keep failing at this thing called marriage. I am sorry for the fights.  Please help me.  Please help me be a good wife.

They say the end of the world is coming Lord. Is it true? Lord, there is no one to turn to, but Ken loves us. He is wise, after all he is my husband’s father. But Lord, do we really need to leave our family? jobs? and our home? Whatever you ask Lord, we will do. So, 20 hours away and a month later when the blood clots started coming...and she miscarries her child...they are confused. I am sorry Lord, we tried to love you and do what is right. But the cost has been too great.. Please forgive us, we have to go home. They are scared. They packed their car and drive the 20 hours home. Only to find out, just like their life at the time, their pipes in their home had broken from the frigid winter temps.

They start over. Digging from under the ground to rebuild a life.

I did it Lord! I got my LPN degree

Lord, another blessings...an angel from you? How could he Lord, how could he lie to me like that? Can our marriage be saved? We have a new home and a baby on the way...Lord, please help me to trust again.

She sits screaming in her car in the corn field. Lord, I have tried. I can't do it anymore. I am so tired of the yelling and fighting. Please give me direction; please help me know what to do. Lord I love him and I don't believe in divorce, but I can't live like this anymore. She sits and she waits. The Lord says, leave, it will all work out. She packs her household and moves. She works two jobs providing for her children. She files for divorce, her husband says no. He found his way back to the Lord. There is hope. There is hurt. There is rebuilding. There is reconciliation. Thank you Lord for if it wasn't for you, there would be no us.

They start over, from the ground up.

She starts a new job. She turns 40. She is going to be a grandma.

A lump.

It hurts.

A biopsy.

It is cancer.

She has her breasts removed, the life giver for her children.

She has chemotherapy. She is bald, breastless and broken.

She finds the Lord in the dark places.

She is healed.

She has radiation.

She has three more surgery’s.

She continues to be healed.
She sits. She seeks. She listens. She hears.

But how, she asks the Lord??

She Speaks…

 
The above entry is for a chance at a scholarship to She Speaks.  This scholarship is being generously  offered by Cecil Murphey through Ann Voskamp.   Through She Speaks, Proverbs 31 Ministries encourages and equips women who are called by God to share our mission to bring God’s peace, perspective and purpose to today’s busy woman.   If you are interested in the opportunity for a chance at the scholarship, please go to Ann Voskamp's blog, or She Speaks Blog.

1 comment:

Lauracea said...

Hi! I found you via the A-Z blog Challenge. How brave of you to write of breast cancer. I too should do the same, but I haven't the courage yet because it's all too raw in my mind (after almost two years). I too journey in God and I love your quotation from Jeremiah. Going to copy it and keep it by my computer. Thank you, you're an inspiration.