Wednesday, February 25, 2009 5:31 AM, CST
We have been busy just enjoying the last few days of feeling good! Saturday night we were blessed with some friends coming over: the girls stayed and "babysat" me and the guys took Ferlin out for a much needed "cancer free" evening. On Sunday, my brother Josh, his wife, Sue and three delightful children came to visit. They gave me this really cool tshirt that said "fight like a girl". Later that afternoon, special friends (and kalina's in laws) Deb and Terry stopped by for a visit. Thank you everyone for helping with the lonliness of "house arrest".
On Monday, I was able to work a full shift. Everyone at DAKOTACARE is absolutely wonderful and so supportive! (I had thought about wearing my wig or scarves, but knew it was going to be hard enough strength wise to even make it a whole shift, so I just went with the hair. I was so excited to work that I figured "bad hair" was better than no work). I was really tired when I got home, took a bit of a nap and was served supper by my sweet husband.
With every day I am getting stronger and "spunkier"...
Second round with chemo is Thursday. The plan is for me to get lab work, meet with the doctor and if all looks good will be admitted to the hospital for chemo. Last time I ran into some issues with a rapid heart rate and they want to monitor a little closer this time. If all goes well, I will only have to spend one night. Thank you all who have stepped in to help manage my life while I am taking a step back.
I received a card yesterday from a very dear friend that had the most appropriate bible verse for me to cling to as chemo comes closer: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps 46:1...as the apprehension of tackling round 2 starts to increase, I am holding this verse very near to my heart.
Words could never be enough to express our thanks and appreciation. May your day be filled with many blessings!
**although I absolutely love flowers, just wanted to let everyone know that due to low white counts, I am unable to receive them.
Saturday, February 28, 2009 1:44 PM, CST
Just wanted to give a quick update to let everyone know that I am home from hospital. Still pretty weak and nauseated, but know this is part of the kicking cancer and healing. As Ferlin has a very busy weekend, my sister Tammy picked me up from the hospital and babysat me this afternoon. My hair is falling out like crazy, so Tammy just went to pick up kalina too do the "buzz" job...urggh, one more step on this cancer journey. I believe that my parents will be coming over shortly to finish babysitting me for the afternoon and evening.
I was wondering what is the biggest word that I could use to experss our thanks for all the kindness bestowed on our family? We so appreciate everything from the meals, to house cleaning, help with kelsey, gifts, time spent with me at the hospital...the list gets longer...I get more humbled..I know one thing God is really smiling down on all of you for helping, caring, sharing and loving. You all have made a very long road, much easier. Thank you!
ps...on a funny note, I was awarded the "good patient award" from the nurses last night for being such a good girl. Got my own plastic glove with candies tied to it! What a great staff of nurses that I was blessed with.
Sunday, March 1, 2009 6:42 PM, CST
An interesting question I have received lately from many is how do I feel about losing my hair? Since I have been too fatigued today to do anything else except ponder things, I thought I would share a bit of personal reflection on this subject. This morning was the first time I was able to take a really good look at my new “bald” status, the question that came to my mind was “who am I?” My appearance is so different from such a short while ago. While, I have never been a person who really looked at the outward appearance of a person, preferring to look more at the heart and character, I couldn’t help but be saddened by my “new look”. Then, I started to thinking; I wonder what others are going to think when they see me? Are they going to be able to see beyond the cancer image? Are they going to be scared, as my reality makes them wonder? Are they still going to see me? Then I started thinking maybe a better question to ask, what do I want others to see when they see my “new look?” I want others to see that my hair loss is just another step in my physical healing. I want others to see that although it will be hard to go out in public, God is giving me strength. I want others to see the “joy” of loving others and being loved by them.
Interestingly enough, Pastor Allen’s sermon today was titled “who am I?” He shares how in Eph 3:17-19 Paul reminds us that God’s love is total. It reaches every corner of our experience. It is wide, it is long, it is high and it is deep. What a wonderful reminder to my family and I as we walk with this journey…that God’s love covers the width of our experiences, covers the length of our lives, rises to the heights of our celebration and elation and that His love is deep—it reaches to the depths of the discouragement, despair, and even death.
Although, it is still a challenge to look in the mirror and be reminded of all the changes, I take great comfort knowing that God’s love lives in me!
Thanks for everyone’s prayers for round two of chemo. Your prayers enabled me to go through with the infusion, when my body and mind was saying…run, run, run!!!
Ps. One good thing about hair loss in these economic times, think how much money I will save on hair productsJ….