Wednesday, March 11, 2009 8:48 PM, CDT
Happy Wednesday! Today, I was so happy to be going into the office; I hardly noticed the temp was 4 below. (Ferlin noticed though, as he was up at 4 am spreading salt and shoveling—poor guy.) Today was the best I have felt since last chemo; too bad it’s time for chemo #3 tomorrow. I have my blankets and pink sleep hat ready, plus the saltines, chicken broth, and mashed potatoes. The fatigue associated with chemo is absolutely indescribable and something I am praying that none of you ever have to experience. It’s a shame to spend so much time sleeping, when there are so many friends to converse with and good books to be read (and so many thank you notes to write—please accept my apologies for not getting these out in a timely manner.)
It is my understanding that I shouldn’t have to be admitted to the hospital for chemo this time…although the staff at Avera has been so super kind and truly understand the concept of great customer service, home is where my heart is. We are also going to make a few adjustments to see if we can help with the white count from going so low.
I came across something in a book I was reading the other day that greatly encouraged me: “Like seeds, we must be willing to be broken in order to grow into what we are made to be.—when we think of all the energy we expend resisting endings and change, wonder what new life we’ve missed that God has for us”. I am working real hard at trying to not be so stubborn about resting and slowing down, instead to understand that this is just a “season” in my life. Thinking that Jack and His beanstalk will look pretty tiny by the time I am done with this season of growingJ
Thank you so much for everyone’s kindness and love shown to my family and me. Too be honest, Ferlin and I are so humbled by all of you…it is so hard to be on the receiving end of your generosity. I just can’t wait for the day to be able to bless all of you and “pay it forward”. We truly appreciate everything! Your love and prayers have helped repair the potholes in the road we are traveling on at this time. Thank you and many blessings to you all!
Ps…your words of encouragement on caring bridges, emails, cards and phone calls also are really appreciated! One of the greatest joys in my life is investing in the lives of others and it saddens me that this area of my life has been put on hold, so thank you for caring about me!
Monday, March 16, 2009 5:19 PM, CDT
What a beautiful spring day we were blessed with today!
Just thought I would give everyone a quick update on chemo #3. Dr Krie had switched some things around so actually the first few days went better than prior chemo’s. Yesterday was a Rip Van Winkle day…actually he is a poor choice to compare myself too, because even if he did sleep 20 years, he was a man who I hear was lazy and tried to avoid work…and I definitely don’t think I fit that description. Today was my "tough" day…kind of felt like I was coming down with a bad case of the stomach flu…but, since I hate to complain, I kind of hibernated the day away. I rested; worked a bit, rested, and worked a bit… this afternoon I was very blessed to be able to go sit on the deck for about 10 minutes…had to tease my sweet hubby that with my bald head I was really able to soak up the vitamin DJ
At times, it is a challenge to not be frustrated by the limitations imposed by treatment. Interestingly enough, this morning when I got back from the infusion center, I did a google search…Is chemotherapy worth it?...guess what? There were 780,000 others that had googled the same question. So I guess I am not alone! I, of course, know that any chance of being blessed with life is worth the fight, even when we get battle weary. I know that while I may be fighting a physical battle, some of you are fighting a bigger battle— please know that I am praying for you and that there is a God just waiting for you to step off the path of “urgencies”, for you to seek Him and let Him love on YOU!
My plan for the rest of the week is to try and go into the office for a few hours a day…praying the white count doesn’t dip too low! And, as I told a very special friend the other evening, I so appreciate the love, care and time invested by all of you in helping me on this journey, and since, I don't want any of your gifts to be wasted, I am going to do my best to make healthy choices (even if that means I have to stay home from work) so I can recover as quickly as I can!! Thank you everyone, may your week be filled with many blessings!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009 10:24 PM, CDT
For some of us who have been getting zeros for church attendance these last few months, it is such a treat to be able to hear the weekly sermon on the web. I do have a confession, though; it has taken me a few times to get through this week’s sermon (Allen is a wonderful teacher…his voice was just so calming)…zzzz’s….(good thing I can blame it on postchemo fatigue) As usual his topic hit home, and since I’m not able to visit in conversation with you all, I thought I would share a few highlights here… he started out talking about living a life of abundance or scarcity. I really want you all to know that although it may seem lately that I have shared more of the struggles of chemo/breast cancer; I truly am living a life of abundance, filled with so many blessings! In his sermon, Allen talks about us being conveyer’s; letting God’s blessings pass through us to others…This whole topic really hit me hard, as I still continue to struggle with receiving the blessings and kindness of others, instead of saying thank you; I say…how much do I owe you? Or I can’t wait to pay you back. Allen referenced Eph 2:8-10, salvation is a gift, not something we earn. Why is it so hard for us as humans to receive love? Instead of thinking we have to do something to earn it? Knowing that when others bless us they are being used by God, living the example of Christ…
A quick update on me, most days I feel between a 4 to 6 on a scale of 1 to 10, but that is much better than the 1’s and 2’s those few days after chemo…also I know that by next week, I should be up to 7’s and 8’s…and then only once more in this series of chemo treatment. I have made it to work in the mornings the last few days, what a blessing to be able to love your job, coworkers and company! I have even been driving a bit…Mustang season!!! Still continue to take mini naps throughout the day and can’t help but giggle over the cravings, poor Ferlin, it would be so much easier if it was the same thing, but nope, every day it is something different (last night, he got lucky, peanut butter and jelly sandwich was all I could handle)…Thanks for all your prayers on my behalf.
Well, I guess there is a benefit at the Firehouse for the VanderPoel’s Thursday night.…Ferlin and the kids will be there, I am so hoping I get to go (praying the white count stays up enough)….I am almost giddy at the chance of being able to visit with you all!!!! THANK YOU to everyone for helping with the benefit and your support during this time. May God bless you many times over for your generosity and kindness!!