Thursday, February 12, 2009 6:22 AM, CST
Good Morning! Thanks so much for the prayers and good thoughts yesterday. I was able to go through with my first round of chemo without any anxiety or tears. Here is a quick recap of the day. My mom, Ferlin and I meet with oncologists first to talk about the plan, side effects, etc. Than I had chemo, I am blessed as I have a port where they can run the meds through, so I just have a quick stick and that is all the pain. I had a few premeds: one for nausea and one steroids (helps with reaction/nausea)...I than had the Adriamyacin (red devil is what they refer it to) and than I Cytoxin. We were pleasantly surprised and done by 130ish. Thanks to my special visitors: my mom, Laurie, Mary Dean and Pastor Allen. You all helped me forget for the moment what was going on, your encouragement and support was great. Laurie, I hear your cookies were awesome, wish I could have tried them, tried to have a pepsi (definately one of my loves) and was only able to have a few sips...so I knew that something was hitting faster than they told me I should get hit. We spent the rest of the day and evening at home. We had a few visitors, Jane and Mike (thankyou for goodie bag) and kalina and Steven (thanks for helping out with kelsey--your awesome.) Speaking of Kalina and Steven--they are going to bless us with a grandson in June--can hardly wait!
Please know that it bothers me to even have to share how yucky this chemo crap is, I don't like attention on myself and this it is humblying to have to ask for prayers. However, I do know where my stength comes and do know who the ultimate healer is...I have also learned in my christian journey that sometimes it helps to have more specific prayers. So for those who are praying, Please pray that my heart rate will come back to normal (it has been running steadily between 120-145, with my normal of 80's)...really a challenge for me to do anything without getting real short of breath and weak legged. I have had a head ache since tx (which is a side effect of one of the meds.) and of course the typical nausea, horrible taste in mouth and decreased appetite. I have decided I don't like chemo and it don't like me! I do love life and love so many people that going through this pot hole and getting rid of cancer will be worth it in the end.
I love my computer, cellphone and books...well last night, I turned off my computer and cell phone, layed on couch to watch tv--Ferlin was getting a little panicky as this is something I have never done. So, if you try and call me and get my voice mail, please leave a message and I will try and call you back. It is easier for me to email at this time, so hoping I will be able to keep up with responses.
Thanks again for everyone's love, care and support. Much appreciated! Please know that I am praying for you all as you walk your days!
Saturday, February 14, 2009 5:10 PM, CST
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone was able to share their love with their "special" someone's!
Well, I wish I was able to write to you all and tell you that chemo and I handled each other well, but NOT!! I struggle to write my feelings as I am generally a really positive person, who try's to shield others from the "yuckiness" of life. The last few days have been a challenge for all of us at our home. I am still struggling with aweful nausea and a fair amount of fatigue. Kelsey is being a great help by making meals for her mom. We should have taken stock out in Betty Crocker Mashed potatoes. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. I have been able to squeese a bit of work in between naps.
Thank you all for your prayers, support, cards and phone calls. Much appreciated!
Ps. just looked out our window and saw a hot air balloon...I just love them and the site of it brought a great big smile....whenever I see a hot air balloon it reminds me of God and His love for us! Helps me know that there are brighter days a coming!
Monday, February 16, 2009 9:49 AM, CST
Happy Monday! I truely hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.
Have I told you how blessed I am? Although this weekend made me realize that I am very weak and truely in a fight for restored health, I am so blessed to have so many praying and caring on my behalf. I am so thankful that God has placed all of you on my path. Thanks for the calls and visits. My apologies to anyone if my words have been a little "shorter" and for complaining about not feeling well. I don't like this part of my personality, especially as I have always told my kids to "tough" it up!
Although I love my job, I am glad today is a holiday. I was able to wash my hair and get dressed for the day (only took an hour:) and several sit downs. Hopefully tomorrow will find me with lots of energy and no nausea so I can do a good job at work. (think I am still dreaming.)
Ferlin and I were talking this morning that it is sometimes so easy as christians to by "pollyannish" when our lives are going along great...what a different level your walk brings when you are too weak to even pray for yourself...thankfully we can remember the trust or our Lord and His promise to never leave us. Think that is where I was at on Saturday, feeling pretty darn yucky and than all of a sudden I looked out the window and saw the most beautiful hot air balloon. Don't ask me why, but I just love those things (never had a desire to ride in one, but just watching them, tickles me so...) I like to think that God gives us reminders of His promises everywhere, we just have to take the time to look and appreciate. So I hope all you have some time today to appreciate the smallest of gifts...the taste of something yummy, the hug of a loved one, the joy of just living!!
Thanks for praying and caring! You are all such blessings to my family and I!