Thursday, July 8, 2010

To Fear or Not to Fear, that is the Question!

Fear has become an ugly four letter word that keeps creeping in to my mind the minute I am over tired, I have a new ache or pain, a cough, or anything else that might just be a sign of an aging body who went through some very challenging medical treatments to have a chance at life.  I struggle with having fear, as fear is not in my nature.  Typically, I am much to practical to be bothered with fears or worries.  That could be why when fear sneaks it's beady little nose into my business, I get so irritated! 

It was almost a year ago that I completed chemotherapy and had a PET scan in follow up.  When discussing the PET scan with others,  I remember someone saying to me how exciting it will be when we can sing praises to God when I get my "clean" results.   However, that wasn't the thought that kept haunting my mind and heart...the thought and question that kept pestering me was "Kim, will you still sing praises to Me if there is cancer?" This answer proved to be an important step in my spiritual walk.  I wish I could say I was super spiritual and answered with a "yes" immediately. But, instead I spent most of that night shedding many tears and talking with God. (To be honest, I felt like I was wrestling with Him.) I am so excited to share that the next morning I confidently walked in the PET scan room, knowing that I could trust and praise God regardless of the results, saying over and over--"Yes, Lord, I will praise YOU!! NO matter what!" 

So, imagine my surprise when the other evening I woke up at 3 am finding the horrible Mr fear crawling all over me...I quickly hopped out of bed, trying to shake him off my sleeping body.  After a few minutes I got on my knees.  Realizing, I had a choice.  I could continue to wrestle with Mr Fear or surrender him to my Maker. Being the practical person that I am, I also had to get it okay in my own mind and heart, that if cancer does come back, I will trust that God can still use my life to His greatest glory.  I (once again) surrendered.  Of course, I pray that cancer is a thing of my past, but I am at peace and trust that God has grand plans for me, cancer or not.  (It is my understanding that Mr Fear will be a visitor for awhile, just waiting for an invitation to come in...please don't think I am rude, but I am choosing to ignore him.)
Now, I realize my fear may be that of recurrence of cancer, but you may have another fear or worry..a job, relationship, health crisis, if you do, may I encourage you to please take it to our Lord, knowing that He has a grand plan for you too!

2 comments:

beyondbreastcancer said...

Kim you capture so perfectly that feeling of fear that stalks us as cancer survivors. It can lie in wait and jump up on us when we least expect it. Psychologically, fear is convincing because it is such a powerful emotion, but as I wrote this week in my blog post "Choose your Feelings Wisely",while the emotions we experience are the emotions we create, we are not what we feel. Always, at the heart of our being, we are in control. Listen to what your feelings have to say, and then if they don’t serve you well, choose to let go of them. With prayer and faith you have already taught me how well you can do this.

Kimberly said...

I love what Lysa T. said over at her blog...about how feelings are indicators, but they are not to be dictators. I cannot imagine what it is like to live with the fear of cancer coming back. But I know that you are so right...no matter what our fear may be, we can take it to the Father. And we can completely trust in His plans for us.

So glad you sent Mr.Fear packing..that you didn't let him move in and start dictating your life! Thanks for the reminder that we all need to send him packing and that we can with the Father's help!
Blessings,
K