Thursday, July 8, 2010
To Fear or Not to Fear, that is the Question!
It was almost a year ago that I completed chemotherapy and had a PET scan in follow up. When discussing the PET scan with others, I remember someone saying to me how exciting it will be when we can sing praises to God when I get my "clean" results. However, that wasn't the thought that kept haunting my mind and heart...the thought and question that kept pestering me was "Kim, will you still sing praises to Me if there is cancer?" This answer proved to be an important step in my spiritual walk. I wish I could say I was super spiritual and answered with a "yes" immediately. But, instead I spent most of that night shedding many tears and talking with God. (To be honest, I felt like I was wrestling with Him.) I am so excited to share that the next morning I confidently walked in the PET scan room, knowing that I could trust and praise God regardless of the results, saying over and over--"Yes, Lord, I will praise YOU!! NO matter what!"
So, imagine my surprise when the other evening I woke up at 3 am finding the horrible Mr fear crawling all over me...I quickly hopped out of bed, trying to shake him off my sleeping body. After a few minutes I got on my knees. Realizing, I had a choice. I could continue to wrestle with Mr Fear or surrender him to my Maker. Being the practical person that I am, I also had to get it okay in my own mind and heart, that if cancer does come back, I will trust that God can still use my life to His greatest glory. I (once again) surrendered. Of course, I pray that cancer is a thing of my past, but I am at peace and trust that God has grand plans for me, cancer or not. (It is my understanding that Mr Fear will be a visitor for awhile, just waiting for an invitation to come in...please don't think I am rude, but I am choosing to ignore him.)
Now, I realize my fear may be that of recurrence of cancer, but you may have another fear or worry..a job, relationship, health crisis, if you do, may I encourage you to please take it to our Lord, knowing that He has a grand plan for you too!