Sunday, April 18, 2010

Living life's journey on autopilot?

A few months ago, my children encouraged me to start a blog as I had discovered that I enjoyed sharing my thoughts while writing my caring bridge updates. “Mom, you no longer have cancer, it is time to move on….” Blog? What’s a blog? I don’t believe any of us were prepared for how God has used “bloggers world” to greatly enhance my healing journey. I would like to share a few blog’s that have touched my heart in the last few days.

This morning as I was reading Luann's blog at Running the Race and I was so encouraged by Luann’s strength in knowing not only her own body, but trusting in the Lord’s guidance for her. You go Girl!

In reading an entry on Rachael Gardner's blog Rants and Ramblings.  She had a guest blog by Anna M Clark this past Thursday. Anna so elegantly shared the road to getting her book published. “My marathon began in April 2008. It's been exactly two years since I first pitched this idea, 22 months since I found my literary agent Rachelle, 18 months since she found my publisher, 5 months since I finished final editing of my manuscript, and 3 weeks since the books hit the warehouse. Now that I'm here, I realize that there is no here at all. Publishing the book, it turns out, is not a destination but a milestone in the journey. Similar to running, becoming an author involves getting up early, fighting through pain, building endurance, buzzing with adrenaline, and enjoying the satisfaction of pushing oneself across the finish line. However, runners get to sit down when the race is over; authors do not.”

Like an author publishing a book, life for many of us breast cancer patients is also like a marathon and we, too, are waiting to sit down. We have completed our treatment and crossed the line, our crowd was cheering but now the stands are empty. It is just us and our Maker. We are learning how to embrace a “new life” after the wakeup call of cancer. When you hear the words “You have cancer,” it is hard not to also hear the voice that is shouting “Death.” Somewhere during the marathon we face the fear of death and replace it with the discovery of LIFE!!

In discovering this life, it has saddened me to realize how many people are sleepwalking through their days. They are so busy “doing life” they have forgotten how to live their life—dead on the inside.
Maybe it is the fear of knowing that I might have just a few blank pages left in my life story and little ink left in my pen that is fueling my desire for more than just a “good” life? Why do we tuck our dreams away into the attic of our brains or bury them so deep in the dark corners of the basements of our toes?
In Jeremiah 29:11, God declares “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Isn’t it time we ask God to help us reclaim our hearts; help us find our original hopes and dreams, the ones He desires us to carry into the future. I have learned without God’s help, it is impossible to discover His dreams for me. (It is too easy to pick up on other’s expectations and shape ourselves to fit their mold for us, especially since many of us are people pleasers.) I have to wonder if it doesn’t bring God great glory when we are living our life intentionally and with the passion He desired for us?

It has taken me time, but I am beginning to acknowledge that having breast cancer has made my life journey richer. That being said, please know, I will not build a monument to my cancer, instead I am planning to use it as a stepping stone to a bigger and greater life.

An encouraging post about exploring impossible things (dreams?) can be found at Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer.  Thanks Maria for always sharing such good stuff!

How about you? What makes you feel alive? Or what moments in your life did you really feel alive? (If you are struggling with an answer to the first two questions how about what made you feel alive as a child?)


Running the race said...

Kim, I love how you are really growing in your writing! Your passion for this is really coming out! I appreciate your words of encouragement. God does know our inner workings and when we "live life" instead of "life living us" He is glorified.

Hum what makes me feel alive? As a child I loved going to my grandma's house and staying over night. We got to buy Good Humor Ice Cream at 6:00 PM and then sit on the glider with my Grandfather who didn't talk much. We just sat. I felt very important on that glider with this quiet man from Poland.

Recently, I feel alive when I write in my journal and come across something in God's Word and get the ahah moment. Also developing my blog brings me great joy. This is a good question Kim!

kim said...

Thanks for sharing the special memory of your grandpa...