Sunday, October 3, 2010

Cancer from my hubby's point of view

It is real easy to go through the cancer journey just thinking about yourself and "your" cancer.  But the reality of the cancer journey, it isn't just about you.  There are so many affected by our journey, especially our families.  Too often, we don't realize the stress and emotional impact cancer has had on our loved ones.  (At least I didn't.)  It was easiest for me to understand and empathize with my children, even though they played  the "cancer card" a few times to their advantage. I am embarrassed to say, however,  My hubby got the short end of my stick...I wasn't very empathetic to him and his needs.  I remember thinking "Buck up, I'm the one going through treatment, you still get to live your life."  It is within the last few months, I am beginning to understand and appreciate how challenging this journey has been on him.  When reading about breast cancer survivorship, I missed the chapter on how to reconnect with your spouse after treatment ends.  For some reason I thought everything would return to normal...however, life will never be normal like we knew it. 

During a discussion with my hubby on Friday night, he explained the cancer journey to me from his eyes. 

"Our home is our castle.  I am the King. You are the Queen.  A horrible enemy broke through the castle gates and attacked my precious queen.  There was nothing I could do to protect her from the enemy and I couldn't kill the enemy.  I had to sit and watch her as the enemy was cut out, poisoned out and burned out.  I want to protect my queen and there wasn't anything I could do.  My castle was invaded while I stood guard."

So, my breast cancer sisters, please join me in appreciating the challenge our spouses face while they watch from the sidelines cheering us on when their heart is crying, wondering why they couldn't protect us.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for my husband.  Thank you for blessing me with a man that has held my hand, especially when I wasn't the nicest to him.  Please help him remember that all security comes through You.  As we are now in the healing phase, please help me to be sensitive to his needs and fears.  Lord, I know all blessings come through you...please bless and heal our marriage, as you have healed me!

Ps.  I should add, my hubby has never read my blog, so he is unaware of this post...


Diane said...

I am very thankful you have such a loving and kind man beside you through this time. Hugs and prayers to you :O)

mbone5 said...

Hi Kim!

Tell Ferlin that he needs to "get on page" and read what you have written. It is so beautiful and he could really understand your feelings even more if he would do that. Sometimes, it is easier to put our thoughts and feelings into writing than to express them verbally. I hope he seizes the opportunity to read the sensitive things you have written.


Nancy said...

Those of us lucky enough to have a supportive spouse sharing the cancer journey are indeed very blessed. When my hair started falling out and I saw the helpless look on my husband's face, I knew he was feeling my pain and his as well - there was nothing he could do about it. That was the moment I realized how hard it's all been on him too.

JeMA said...

Kim, how beautiful. I love how you evaluated your journey, embraced there could be another point of view. Your husband sounds very insightful, the two of you will be eachother's strength through the healing journey.