Monday, October 11, 2010

caring bridge update

"This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11:4

There are times when our life path has many twists and turns, causing us to wonder “Will we ever reach our destination?” From diagnosis to surgery to chemotherapy to radiation and then more surgery…my family and I wonder is the next step going to be our last?  I am thinking the cancer journey will never truely have an ending destination, but will be forever part of our lives with detours, surprises and blessings.

Before I share this latest detour, I would like to share a wonderful surprise and great blessing. Due to severe back pain, I recently had a PET scan which shows me dancing with Mr. NED. (No Evidence of Disease.) NED is an awesome dancer whom I hope will be my partner for life. Now, for the detour: Like most women who are treated with chemotherapy I went through menopause. The majority of women stay in “chemopause/menopause.” Well, once again, my body proved its resiliency. In March, my female organs woke up with a vengeance, creating all kinds of health issues and concerns. (Some have accused me of being an overachiever, so it should come as no surprise that my ovaries are overachievers too.) Well, after many doctor appointments and second opinions and third opinions (along with much prayer) it has been decided that the last of my female parts have to go…so on Wednesday, I will be having a complete hysterectomy. The greatest concern I (and my family) have at this time is that I will be in “instant menopause”—WARNING: do not google surgically induced menopause or you may be afraid to come visit me. (Thankfully, I have had some time to put resources in place to help with any challenges I may experience.)

Many women feel a hysterectomy is no big deal and are actually relieved and happy to have this procedure. I wish I could say I was one of them. For some reason I have struggled greatly with this surgery and have spent many weeks grieving the loss of additional body parts. (If you care to read more about my thoughts, etc on this process…check out my blog post as I share more of my heart.)

Last week one of my dear friends shared with me a sermon that addressed the topic of sickness and suffering. The timing of the topic was perfect and a great encouragement. This pastor shared the story of Lazarus and also examples on how God allows suffering to bring glory to Him. With this suffering it is our choice if we are going to grow bitterness or love. God has proved so faithful to me that it is easy for me to choose love.

One final thought by the same pastor: I am going to judge my circumstances by Jesus love, I am not going to judge Jesus’ love by my circumstances.

Even though I still hate the idea of a hysterectomy (circumstance)….I thank God for the blessing of His everlasting love that walks with me—always!

Thanks for your prayers on Wednesday and the weeks to come…

Blessings, k.

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