Sunday, November 28, 2010

Swimming or Sinking in the Moat??

These past few days being void of work obligations has allowed me the benefit of slowing down the pace, catching up on some rest and spending time with my family.  The other evening I watched the movie Eat, Pray and Love with my youngest daughter.  (I haven't read the book yet, but it is definitely on my TBR--to be read list.)  One of the lines in the movie has really been tugging at my heart and it goes something like this:
At times in life a person has to go through the moat, before they reach the castle.

What a great word picture about the journey on the road to healing from cancer treatment.  When a person is first diagnosed with cancer, you are in shock.  You walk around in a disbelief and and find yourself going to many doctor appointments.  You get poked and prodded in ways you never knew possible.  Some have surgery, some have chemotherapy, some have radiation and the really lucky ones get all three! (Just a bit of sarcasm.)  Than you are done with treatment, often emotionally and physically exhausted.   Every survivor swimming through their own moat to reach their castle.

This next weekend will mark my two year "cancerversary!"  The past two years I have had four surgery's, 16 treatments of chemotherapy and six weeks of radiation, all the while working full time, along with my other life roles: wife, mother, grandma, friend, etc.  With this latest surgery (complete hysterectomy and instant menopause), I am finding it a challenge to bounce back, the waters of the moat starting to feel like quick sand.  My body is so very tired....Today, I found myself wondering, "Am I ever going to find myself in the Castle of Good Health and Wellness?"  Shortly after asking myself this question, God, once again, reminded me  it is often in my weakness that I slow down enough to hear Him.  Today He spoke through a blog I follow: At the Well.  Today's blog entry discusses a  "challenge" to memorize Psalm 121.  The words from this Psalm offer such hope and encouragement!  What better way to celebrate this week than to write these words of my Father on my heart.  Would you like to join the challenge?  If so, check out At the Well.
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

ps. regarding my fatigue...I know...I know.... it has only been six weeks....  the doctors and nurses have warned me that I should expect a year or two of fatigue and I am trying to listen. (but do so hope that I can prove them wrong!)  And yes, to me, every day is a true miracle and blessing and I am grateful for the opportunity to even complain of fatigue!   I also consider it a great blessing to have the opportunity to share my thoughts in bloggersville (and practice my writing :)

My prayer is that other survivors will find encouragement knowing that you are not alone in your moat!


Anonymous said...

Another insightful post Kim and one I have earmarked for my latest JBBC feature - Friday Round-Up - the best of the week's blog posts. As you say, the fact that we know we are not alone in this journey is hugely comforting.

nancyspoint said...

Kim, I love the analogy with the moat and castle. I totally relate to swimming in the moat attempting to get back to my castle of good health and wellness! I think your nurses are correct, it will take time to get over the fatigue factor. It's hard being patient I know. Glad you got some needed rest and family time.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Thanks for stopping by, Kim. I'm headed in for #5 chemo tomorrow (these last 4 treatments will use Taxol; first four was with A/C). I'm a bit anxious about how my body will respond, but I'm confident I'll make it through. What a ride, sister! I see you've been on a similar path, and I am encouraged by your heart and progress. I think one of the things I "fear" the most is finishing chemo and then wondering if the cancer will return. I know I can't "live" there, but there are times when my thoughts take me there.

Enough for now; thanks for joining me on the road. It helps to know that I'm not alone in the water!

peace~elaine said...

You, and your body, have indeed been through a lot. My doctor told me it would be a year before I started feeling like my old self, and like you, I was impatient. Exercise will help speed the process along. So strange that the thing we have no energy to do, is the same thing that gives us energy. A perfect "Catch-22."

In many ways, your post is similar to my post this week: Swim toward the light. I've spent time this morning reading God's Word. Thank you for reminding me about Psalm 121.

Heal well, my friend,