No, Forrest, life isn't like a box of chocolates...it is like a merry-go-round.
We pick our favorite horse, hop on, hold on as we go round and round and round. A never ending circle. If we are smart, we get off our horse and walk away before the horse starts galloping too fast. Unfortunately some of us aren't that smart and we find ourselves holding very tightly on to our magical horse as our carousel spins out of control. Before breast cancer this was my life. My schedule was filled to the brim--I didn't believe in "white space." I enjoyed the stress and busyness of my life. I took pride in working long and hard hours. I loved wearing the "martyr" badge. My self worth was achieved by fulfilling others needs.
Ouch, I was bucked from my horse. There went the pride. The badge was broken. No longer could I work the long hours. My schedule was now filled with doctor visits, procedures, and treatments, in addition to work. I never want to have to experience the pain of being "bucked" this hard again.
All through treatment, I couldn't wait to purchase my ticket for a ride on my favorite horse. This time promising myself I will get off before the merry-go-round spins out of control.
I can't do it!
I kept trying to purchase a ticket, but no matter how hard I try to stay on the merry-go-round, my horse keeps bucking me off. (hint--don't pick the pink one!)
So why am I sharing this with you? A few weeks back, I decided to stop purchasing a ticket. And you know what?
The thing that is utterly amazing to me....for this moment, I am okay. I am okay with sitting, watching, and listening to the music. I am enjoying the peace and simplicity of my evenings and weekends. I am no longer chasing...I am waiting for direction from the Lord...for Him to show me His dreams for my life. (the lines of the dream are still a bit fuzzy, but they are coming into focus more and more every day.)
Some day, I once again will purchase a carousel ticket, pick my favorite horse and enjoy the ride.
Until then, I will be sitting here watching, listening, pondering and learning! (And smiling with simplicity!)
How about you, what fair ride best describes your life?