Monday, June 7, 2010

The Merry-go-round of Life

No, Forrest, life isn't like a box of is like a merry-go-round. 
We pick our favorite horse, hop on, hold on as we go round and round and round.  A never ending circle.  If we are smart, we get off our horse and walk away before the horse starts galloping too fast. Unfortunately some of us aren't that smart and we find ourselves holding very tightly on to our magical horse as our carousel spins out of control.  Before breast cancer this was my life.  My schedule was filled to the brim--I didn't believe in "white space."  I enjoyed the stress and busyness of my life.  I took pride in working long and hard hours.  I loved wearing the "martyr" badge.  My self worth was achieved by fulfilling others needs.
Ouch, I was bucked from my horse.  There went the pride. The badge was broken.  No longer could I work the long hours. My schedule was now filled with doctor visits, procedures, and treatments, in addition to work. I never want to have to experience the pain of being "bucked" this hard again. 
All through treatment, I couldn't wait to purchase my ticket for a ride on my favorite horse.  This time promising myself I will get off before the merry-go-round spins out of control.
I can't do it!
I kept trying to purchase a ticket, but no matter how hard I try to stay on the merry-go-round, my horse keeps bucking me off.  (hint--don't pick the pink one!)
So why am I sharing this with you?  A few weeks back, I decided to stop purchasing a ticket. And you know what?
The thing that is utterly amazing to me....for this moment, I am okay.  I am okay with sitting, watching, and listening to the music.  I am enjoying the peace and simplicity of my evenings and weekends.  I am no longer chasing...I am waiting for direction from the Lord...for Him to show me His dreams for my life.  (the lines of the dream are still a bit fuzzy, but they are coming into focus more and more every day.)
Some day, I once again will purchase a carousel ticket, pick my favorite horse and enjoy the ride.
Until then, I will be sitting here watching, listening, pondering and learning!  (And smiling with simplicity!)

How about you, what fair ride best describes your life?


Running the race said...

Oh Kim, you hit this one spot on with me. I will never look at the carousel ride in the same way:) I was very tempted to buy my ticket and hop on yesterday. Actually the ride I would like to be on would be "It's a small world in disneyland, or world which ever part of the US you live closest to. Getting in a boat with an even pace. Recently I have felt like Pirates of a Caribenen. (Sp?)

Glad you have decided to wait on the purchase of the ticket. As my mom would say take time to smell the roses huh! Luann

Mary Aalgaard said...

Excellent analogy. I like how you warn not to pick the pink one. Is it too alluring? Too captivating? Hmm. Really my life has been the house of "fun". The one with the mirrors and distorted images. I'm working my way out. I think I've even busted some mirrors. But, people are always trying to confuse you and you don't always know which way to go. Sometimes, I have to shut my eyes and ask the Holy Spirit to take my hand and lead me. Hmm. makes me think of the song: Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand...