Sunday, November 1, 2009

Oncology appt update and ponderings

For those of you who don't have access to my caring is my latest post.

Hi everyone! Just a quick update from my oncologists appointment this past week along with a few pondering thoughts.
I had a great check up from Dr Krie. We are still waiting for one lab result to come back, but all others were good. My weight stayed stable through the whole course of treatment, I guess many women gain 10-15 lbs, so I feel very fortunate. We discussed a bit on how I was feeling, fears I may be having, etc. I was happy to report to her, that I have been so busy living life that I don’t have much time to sit around and worry about reoccurrence. I am blessed that I have trust in God and the faith to know that He is directing my journey. (Of course, I pray that I never have to go down this road again…)
My days find me back in the office full time and trying to squeeze in a cancer rehab program through Avera. I actually am part of two programs. One program is a “time to heal” program which meets once a week on Tuesday evenings from 6-9 for 12 weeks. This program is a group program comprised of women who have recently traveled the breast cancer journey. We are learning about different areas on how we can incorporate healthy healing, everything from meditation, physical exercise, nutrition, aromatherapy, etc. The other program is through Avera Fitness Center and it is an 8 week individual program meeting with a personal trainer and a mind/body specialists once a week. These programs both have great value, but by Friday evening I am really tired.
Now for the ponderings:
Before I share this story, I want to explain that I have never been one who looks for meaning of their dreams, nor would I have the audacity to stay this dream is from God, however the lesson I took away from the dream is so profound, that I feel compelled to share it with you all. My dream from the other night went like this:

I was presented with the opportunity to win a large sum of money, if I completed the items on the list given to me but I only had 45 minutes to complete this list. I was thinking no problem, I am an organized person who loves lists and the sense of accomplishment when crossing off items on my 'to do' list. I remember crossing off the first item and then I lost my list. Found the list and was starting to work on the next item and got interrupted to fill a baby bottle. Oops, lost the list again. Found the list and was able to do cross off one more item on the list. Thirty minutes left to go and still 5 things on the list. The door bell rang, answered the door for the Boy Scout selling pop corn, chatted a few minutes, put the pop corn away. Now where is my list? I found the list and started working on the next item...boy, I need to relax a few minutes...played a quick game of farkle on facebook. Oh my, only 20 minutes to go on my list and still have the same five items to go. I once again start working on the list and beginning to feel panicky that my time is running out. Awesome, crossed off two things on the list. 15 minutes to go, I think I will throw in a quick load of laundry. Shoot, I lost the list again. Now with only 10 minutes left and still three items to go, I read the items that are left on the list, what?? The last item was one that required 30 minutes and I only had 8 minutes left to complete list. Feeling really frazzled I decided to check the internet for time saving tips on how to get the last item done in less time. Lose 5 minutes of time doing research, lost the list again....Buzzer goes off....list not done and I didn't win the money. I am exhausted. Oh, how life is like that...upon thinking of this dream, I realize that our lives are comprised of unique lists for each of us. This dream was such a real reminder to me that I need to take the time to seek and ask God to show me the list He has for me, along with the strength and wisdom to stay on task. Even though, as in my dream, the things that distracted me were all "good" things, God may have "better" things for me to pursue and that I have been given the gift of choices and it is up to me to be responsible how I spend my time on this journey. Before my cancer journey, I had a hard time giving myself permission to say no to others, especially if my children, husband, family or friends had a request that I thought I could easily fulfill. I have now had time to stop and really evaluate where I chose to invest my time. I could easily chose to run here and there, but I am finding out that by choosing to do so many other things, I literally have no time to invest in writing, exercising or even time to read; now, don’t get me wrong, I still am very committed to serving, but now I stop and ask God to direct which projects in which I participate. I hope that through reading about my journey, you will have the time to stop and look at your path, your list…time to think and ponder…time to choose.
Hope everyone’s week is a good one! I will be stopping in every now and then to give quick updates. Thanks for your continued love and support! Interestingly enough, I came across a t-shirt the other day that stated…”I kicked cancer’s butt”…I thought to myself, I couldn’t wear that t-shirt as I didn’t kick cancer’s butt by myself however I could wear a t-shirt that states “My Awesome Support Team and I kicked cancer’s butt!” Thanks, y’all!

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