Saturday, February 1, 2014

2014 Word of the Year: B.E.L.I.E.V.E.

It seems as I once again...let too much time escape between blog posts...

This time there has been a reason--you see...5 years ago, Christmas Eve, I had my breasts removed to save my life. Needless to say past few months brought with it a roller coaster of emotions. Let's just say--like many life changing events, a person's walk with cancer is never over...

For the last few years I have chosen a Word of the Year. I started thinking about my word for 2014 in November, just minutes after I heard my oncologist say, "Congratulations, you've graduated and don't need to come back!"  As I called my family to share the exciting news, tears of joy flowed. On the phone to my daughter, she goes--"Mom, why are you crying?" Tearfully, I stammer out, "I didn't ever think I would live to hear those words." I started to thinking maybe my word for 2014 would be thankful

Shortly after that appointment, I came up with the crazy idea to make scrap books for my husband and children. Seriously, whatever possessed me to think I could make 7 scrapbooks (hubby, 3 kids, son in law, son's girlfriend, and grandson) with pictures from the last 27 years--in the 3 1/2 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas?  Well, those 3 1/2 weeks were filled with many tears and memories as my hubby and I worked together to complete this overzealous task.  Maybe my 2014 word should be joy

Urgghhh, a few days before we were scheduled to travel to Montana for our Christmas celebration, we hit a bump--my right breast became flaming red, hot and painful. Off to acute care we went. Now, I haven't ever had a lick of problem with my new “girls”...even through radiation, so this recent development kind of surprised us.   For most, when you get a rash--you think, infection? But once you get cancer, it is hard to NOT let your mind go there...the what if's?  Thankfully, a shot in the you know where, some strong meds (and prayers) --the rash cleared up and off to Montana we traveled for our long waited Christmas celebration. (It was the first Christmas in 5 years we were all together celebrating the miracle of this special season.)  Maybe my 2014 word should be celebration


January 1, 2014...still no word…I spent some time reading over my goals of the last few years and pondering over dreams.  I read blog posts on what fellow bloggers were choosing for the 2014 word of the year. Still no word… 

I took a day...to sit...to read...to pray...to ponder...and I heard a whisper...

Believe!

What? 

Again, Believe...

Seriously, God...believe???

For a few weeks, I did some more pondering, reading...praying...


And last week...I came down with Shingles.

Seriously? Frustrating…as I have (once again) been spending time on the couch.  Thankfully, I have meds to keep the pain under control and rash didn't get that bad, but the fatigue--oh, goodness--did it ever bring flashbacks to the good ol' chemo days.  Slowly, I am regaining my strength, but have cleared my calendar the next few weeks from any "extras."

Okay, now back to my word for 2014....
Look what I found in a box of stuff in my basement...



My word for 2014 is believe.

With my unexpected couch time this past week, I have pondered on the word believe.  

Why do I think the word believe found me for 2014?  You see, when I was going through cancer treatment and writing updates on Caring Bridge--I loved putting words to my thoughts. (Awakening a childhood dream I had forgotten existed.)  Shortly, after I was done with active treatment, my oldest daughter said, "Mom, you are done with cancer--don't you think it is time to stop with the Caring Bridge updates?"  I will admit, my heart sank a bit at the thought. My dream of writing coming to an end?  Seeing the angst on my face she quickly said, "You don't have to stop writing, maybe start a blog or something."  A blog? What was a blog? Well,...I went to Google. I remember typing in the words: What is a blog? Followed by the question...How to start a blog. Kim's Ponderings Beyond Breast Cancer was born...and for the first few years, I loved it! 


That was until I started to think more seriously about this dream of writing. I began following writing blogs, reading how-to's, researching proper techniques, etc...the more I learned...the less I found myself writing. I started struggling more and more...who was I to think I could ever learn to write, especially since I didn't start writing until my 40's? There is too much to learn...and not enough time (or life) to learn it all.  

FEAR strangled any words I had to share. 
 
When I was writing on Caring Bridge...I was too sick to have fear keep me from sharing my words--after all, I had a bigger fear--death? 

When I first started blogging...the excitement of learning something new kept fear away.

But when I began realizing what I didn't know...and how much writing would require—fear crept in...Leaving no more room for the writing dream.  

Last week when I was sitting on the couch pondering about believe...

It came to me...

God has a plan...and a dream for each of us--but we need to believe this, before we can take the steps to make the dream come true.

So....now it is February 1, 2014!!  

BELIEVE.





9 comments:

Cathy Baker said...

Oh Kim, tears of joy flow down my face while reading this post. Praising the Lord with you -- and honestly I think all the words would apply -- but when we come down to it, it all begins with belief.

I'm praying your shingles will clear up quickly. I'm thankful your pain is manageable as I've heard so many say it's one of the most painful things they've experienced.

Anticipate all God has for you while you rest. :) You are such an inspiration.

Much love from SC...

Hester Christensen said...

Kim,

So good to hear such joy through your trials and how the Lord has been leading you - I love your openness and honesty with your struggles and fears. ;)

And, how timely for the Lord to give you your word, Believe! Such a good one. - I look forward to hearing more about how He weaves this word into your year. ;)

You are loved sister,
Hester, ;)

Clorinda B said...

Kim,
I really needed this today. Thank you for the words of inspiration. And the reminder to believe! Take care!

Donna Slack said...

You are an amazing and beautiful woman Kim. Truly an inspiration.

Melissa Bien said...

I believe in you. and you make me want to believe in myself. Don't stop writing because you have the ability to move, motivate, and change people's lives as your words touch their hearts. POWERFUL!

Beth Stiff said...

Yay! I found your blog. Believe was my word the first year I choose a word. I truly was so grateful to have connected with you at Compel. Love our time chatting and as usual for me I was wishing I asked many more questions while we were together.
Hope to connect again soon.
Love the whole story of how you choose your word.
Blessing.

Marie said...

Lovely to have you back blogging again Kim! Wishing you every good thing for this year ahead.

Barbara said...

Hi Kim, I'm visiting from the Story Circle. I enjoyed the richness of your post on Believe. Fear has played the role of thief in my own life - it is an enemy we must resist. In God's strength, fear will meet its match. Keep writing my friend!

Roxane B. Salonen said...

So happy I found this, Kim. Believe is a fine word, indeed! It's a challenging word, but a hope-filled word too, and I truly believe it is going to take you to amazing places this year. I'm sorry fear has been a factor. I think that's very common. Go back to those days when it wasn't a factor. You don't have to be there physically but you can be there mentally. Live like there's no tomorrow. Let that free you up to follow the dream that was planted in you for a reason. I'll be cheering for you!