Faking it...until you make it!

Last month I blogged about God Sized Dreams.  I am excited to share that hope.lives.now. website has been redesigned, a Facebook page created, along with brochures and an introduction letter. While it has been crazy busy finalizing these projects, my hope has been strengthened as I watch God work.  Just last week, God orchestrated the timing of a Hope Basket perfectly...and He is so into the details of what goes in these baskets.  I had purchased a variety of CD's to put in the Hope Baskets and to my delight...the CD I put in this particular basket had special meaning to the recipient...all I can say is, "Only God!"

Now, it is time to be a bit more honest with you...what I am going to share with you next, isn't exactly what I would call a "dream." But it is a direction that I feel being led to...after many months (okay, years) I took a huge step, which was prompted by whispers I could no longer run from.  As I have mentioned previously, in October 2012,I joined Toastmasters. Two weeks ago, I had to give my first speech, the "ice breaker."  This speech is a 4 to 6 minute speech about yourself.  Shouldn't be that hard, should it?  Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking when I joined this organization.   It must have been the "chemo brain."  I tell ya...I was so...nervous, I almost  didn't show up to the meeting....that was until I remember my friend Jess's advice, "Kim--at times in life you have to fake it, until you make it!"  So, I gave myself a good ol' pep talk and gave the speech.  Yes, I was scared.  Yes, I could have done and said some things better (clearer.)  But you know what?  I did it...and I was so proud of myself.  Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, when faced with fear...I ask myself the question "If you don't do it, will you regret it?"  I knew that if I didn't do my speech, I would not only regret it, I would also feel like I let God down.  You see...for reasons I can't fully explain, I know that He wants me to learn the skill of public speaking.  So...I'm trusting and doing! (Even when I am afraid!)

PS.  For those of you interested in Toastmasters--you should check it out.  What an awesome organization and great group of individuals.

BONUS:  Feb 11, 2009 found me walking into the chemotherapy room for the first time...four years later....here I am!  And although today found me on the couch because of debilitating pain due to the barometric pressure being low (thankfully this only happens with major systems)--I celebrate the gift of healing!

All is Good...

My hair stylist has been out on maternity leave for three months, so there was much to catch up on my appointment last week.  Conversation went like this:

Erin:  How has things been going?
Me: Good

Erin: How is work going?
Me: Busy, but good

Erin:  How is your hubby?
Me: A bit discouraged about the dry weather, but otherwise good.

Erin: How is your daughter out in Montana?
Me: She started classes and she is doing good.

Erin: How is your grandson?
Me: He started a new daycare and preschool, but he is good.

Erin: And your son?
Me: He is working full time and taking college courses on line...and he is good.

Erin: And your youngest daughter?
Me: She just celebrated her 17th birthday and she is doing good.

What a blessing...All is good!!

This past weekend, I attended the Refine Conference.  What a wonderful, heart pricking event.  I am still processing many of the things I heard and learned...but rest assured...it is all good!

PS.  I still continue to struggle with on going neck and back pain, this could be part of my new "normal" from the mastectomy and radiation...but...the biggest question I am being asked by my health care professionals...should we do a PET scan?  I struggle with doing another scan, because I believe God healed me and I just think this pain is from over exercising and possibly a hectic schedule the last few weeks.  However, maybe it is time to just eliminate that concern?  I will keep you posted....but for right now...I am still claiming....ALL IS GOOD!

Boot Camp Survivor

Today's survival picture!!

The first of May, a few coworkers and I joined a "boot camp" at a near by gym.  Oh, goodness....does "boot camp" put a whole new meaning to the word survivor!  We have this class on Mondays and Fridays at noon.  Today I asked the instructor, "Will we ever not hurt so bad after class?"  Her reply, "Nope...you are using different muscles all the time and most likely you will feel it!'

A few weeks ago, I had left the class in tears.  You see, I am the least fit of everyone in the class.  I am the one who struggles to keep up.  I am the one who comes in last with every set of exercises.  I also develped shin splints.  That day I ached all over and was frustrated my lack of ability. 

When I returned to work that day, I was sharing my frustration with a co-worker who doesn't exercise with us and she politely reminded me that my fellow boot campers hadn't experienced the cancer journey...and basically said, "You need to give yourself some grace."

So, that afternoon, I was having coffee with a dear friend.  I shared with her my frustration and exhaustion from boot camp, and shared with her the words used by my co-worker to encourage me.

My friend challenged me with her words.  She said, "Kim--what if you wouldn't have experienced your setbacks through your cancer treatment?  What is wrong with being the last one on the team?  Isn't it okay to just be who you are and where you are at?" 

Hmmmm...good questions...

So....I still am the slowest in our class....and I still struggle lots!  But, my frustration is gone, now replaced with embracing the moment and celebrating whenever we "survive" a day at boot camp!