So many times...

So many times, I have started a blog post...only to leave it unfinished. So many words...never shared.

Until today...

And today's words aren't even mine--but words of  a special friend that I was blessed to spend some time with this week.

Hope over to Vicky's blog at The Westra World to be inspired and read about our meet up!

Hope to be back blogging soon--and maybe even finish some of my older blog posts!

Blessings on your weekend!

Faking it...until you make it!

Last month I blogged about God Sized Dreams.  I am excited to share that hope.lives.now. website has been redesigned, a Facebook page created, along with brochures and an introduction letter. While it has been crazy busy finalizing these projects, my hope has been strengthened as I watch God work.  Just last week, God orchestrated the timing of a Hope Basket perfectly...and He is so into the details of what goes in these baskets.  I had purchased a variety of CD's to put in the Hope Baskets and to my delight...the CD I put in this particular basket had special meaning to the recipient...all I can say is, "Only God!"

Now, it is time to be a bit more honest with you...what I am going to share with you next, isn't exactly what I would call a "dream." But it is a direction that I feel being led to...after many months (okay, years) I took a huge step, which was prompted by whispers I could no longer run from.  As I have mentioned previously, in October 2012,I joined Toastmasters. Two weeks ago, I had to give my first speech, the "ice breaker."  This speech is a 4 to 6 minute speech about yourself.  Shouldn't be that hard, should it?  Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking when I joined this organization.   It must have been the "chemo brain."  I tell ya...I was so...nervous, I almost  didn't show up to the meeting....that was until I remember my friend Jess's advice, "Kim--at times in life you have to fake it, until you make it!"  So, I gave myself a good ol' pep talk and gave the speech.  Yes, I was scared.  Yes, I could have done and said some things better (clearer.)  But you know what?  I did it...and I was so proud of myself.  Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, when faced with fear...I ask myself the question "If you don't do it, will you regret it?"  I knew that if I didn't do my speech, I would not only regret it, I would also feel like I let God down.  You see...for reasons I can't fully explain, I know that He wants me to learn the skill of public speaking.  So...I'm trusting and doing! (Even when I am afraid!)

PS.  For those of you interested in Toastmasters--you should check it out.  What an awesome organization and great group of individuals.

BONUS:  Feb 11, 2009 found me walking into the chemotherapy room for the first time...four years later....here I am!  And although today found me on the couch because of debilitating pain due to the barometric pressure being low (thankfully this only happens with major systems)--I celebrate the gift of healing!

God-sized Dreams

HAPPY 2013!!

Tonight I came across a blog post at toodarnhappy.com.  The title of her post invited me to hop over to her blog...which prompted me to hop over to holleygerth ....which prompted me to write a blog post.  Are you ready for the title? God-sized Dreams. 

Intriguing...

62% of us make New Year's Resolutions. 

I wonder what our world would be like if we instead we asked what is my God-sized Dream this year?

              A God-sized Dream = A desire in your heart for more of what God has for you.

I love what Holley shares in this post:

"You see, God-sized dreams aren’t about being perfect. Or getting what we want. Or things working out the way we plan.

I can tell you this, on your God-sized dreams journey…

You will feel fear.

You will fail at some point.

And you may even find that you have to let a dream go.

But I can also tell you, on your God-sized dreams journey…

You will become more courageous.

You will have victories you never through possible.

And you will be filled up with what you really need, which is less of you and more of Jesus in your life.

God-sized dreaming isn’t for wimps.

But at the same time it’s really only for wimps.

Because we all are exactly that. We’re weak and broken and afraid. And we’re also strong and whole and filled with the resurrection power of Christ.

We are living paradoxes and nothing will show you that more than a God-sized dream.

If you’re looking at all this God-sized dreams stuff with a bit of skepticism can I just whisper, “It’s okay to feel that way. But dare to come with us anyway. Not because of where you will go but because of where this journey will take you…and that’s closer to the heart of God.”'

So now, I am inspired...and motivated....

What is my God sized Dream for 2013?

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I thought..."OK--you just got dealt bad card.  Play the card you have been dealt. Get back to life."  Oh, how I tried to get back to the life I used to live.  So, many times I have pushed and pushed, only to fall flat on my behind.  You see, I am not supposed to go back to my old lifestyle.  I believe I have scars across my chest, along with ongoing pain and fatigue--so I remember.  I remember the long nights where only the hope of God's promises gave me the strength to hold on till mornings light. I remember the mornings of chemotherapy, crying to my husband--"I don't think I can do this!" And although the I remember the "tough" things the thing I most remember is that God provided--in so many remarkable ways.  Hope came in so many fashions--cards, phone calls, words of encouragement, comments left on my caring bridge.... Now, looking back at the last few years, I can see God's hand and guidance. But like Holley shares when God gives you a God sized Dream--you will have fear.

But I am saying NO to this fear in 2013--after all if you can do chemotherapy, I believe you can do almost anything!  -- in

My God sized Dream is to expand the ministry of hope.lives.now. Hope.lives.now. is a ministry that offers support and encouragement to individuals who find themselves in an unexpected health crisis.  This ministry is a "work in progress" and I am excited to see how God leads us through the next steps.    

How about you--do you have any God sized Dreams for 2013?

If you do, please leave a comment and I will add your God sized Dream to my prayers.

Time2Live and Hope Lives Now!

Today I am posting at my new site:

Time2Live

and I have posted some special prayer requests, along with an update on

HopeLivesNow!

If you are interested in receiving updates from either of these blogs, please put your email address in the widget.

Blessings on your day!

The Letter H!

H is for Hope

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

Hope is to believe, desire, or trust.

Hope Lives Now!

Since hope is my word of choice today, it only seems fitting to share with you all about an organization called Hope Lives Now!  Hope Lives Now is an organization some friends and I have started that offers encouragement, support and hope to cancer
survivors.   Check out our blog to see some of the things we are doing to plant hope in the lives of others.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy-- Francis of Assisi



Proverbs 31 She Speaks 2011

Tonight I was going to write what I had hoped was to be an award winning blog for a scholarship to this summer’s Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference. From the She Speaks website "She Speaks is a life-changing conference for women of every generation seeking to explore the tug on her heart to reach out to the world for Jesus. Through She Speaks, Proverbs 31 Ministries encourages and equips women who are called by God to share our mission to bring God’s peace, perspective and purpose to today’s busy woman. Sharing God’s truth with love is not only a holy calling but a remarkable responsibility. We believe by equipping women to become more effective at sharing the Word of God, we multiply our efforts to reach a hurting world with the life-transforming hope of Jesus."  I was blessed by some individuals who believed in me, when I didn't believe in myself and was able to attend this conference last year.  So, my intention this evening was to write why I would love the chance to attend again this year and share some of my experiences from last year.  However, this evening I am finding it a challenge for my words to make sense. You see, my heart is heavy with concern and sadness for a few individuals who have recently had their cancer return. To be honest, my heart feels like it is breaking and all I really want to do is climb in my Father's lap.  After He dries my tears, I want to ask Him why???  It really seems silly to want to write a fancy story for a contest, when you know there is someone who is having to endure a tough battle just so they can have another day of life.

Perspective….

However, I do feel prompted to enter the contest as I have been hearing the gentle whisper of the Lord to receive some speaker training. I totally cannot believe that I wrote the last sentence. Isn’t it so like God to call you to do something that you can only do if He steps in to assist? I have never spoken in front of a group. To be honest, I have never really had the desire to speak in front of group…that is until lately. Actually, I still don’t have the desire to speak. But I do have the greatest desire to spread hope to those who are broken and hurting.

• I want to share with others that God loves them, especially when they have believed the lie that they are unlovable and unworthy.
• I want to share how when I prayed to God and said, “Here is my life Lord, use it however you want…” and less than 8 hours later, I was diagnosed with an invasive breast cancer.
• I want to share with others how it was through the dark days of cancer treatment when I found healing…spiritually and physically.
• I want to share with others how only God can make a blessing come out of a mistake.
• I want to share with others how God can take a broken person and make them whole.
• I want to share with others how God stepped in and reconciled a marriage when the divorce papers were being signed. (Okay, I don’t know if I really want to share this as I will be forced to face my shortcomings, however I am getting the feeling that God maybe wants me to share parts of this story to encourage other women in their marriages.)

One of the greatest blessings I have received from my cancer journey is the opportunity to offer love and support to others who find themselves on the same path. I am so excited about our organization which is in its “infant stages” called Hope Lives Now! Hope Lives Now believes that “Cancer is a journey that no one should walk alone.” Through God’s hand, I have been asked to share about Hope Lives Now to a few organizations. Now, I have never had any training on how to speak in front of a group. Guess this is just one more step in the “trusting.”

Well, there you have it.  My mixed up words for tonight. It is time for me to take this heavy heart and teary eyes off to find some comfort in prayer and slumber.

  

Don’t take your health for granted—do something good for your body today!!

For those of you interested in applying for the scholarship, here is the link.
http://lysaterkeurst.com/2011/03/she-speaks-scholarship-contest-2011/


Ps.  please pardon any grammer/spelling errors...I am finding that my new "training" schedule is making me really tired, so a few head bobs going on...

It's snowing...it's snowing....and it's snowing!

I love snow!  (I don't necessarily like the wind and cold--but I love the snow!)  For some reason when it snows, I want to get out and walk.  Have you ever heard of something so strange?  Strange or not, the snow is making it easier for me to make my walking goals!  Tonight when I was walking I kept thinking of a recent post by my friend Roxane at Peace Garden Mama on snow angels.  I, so wanted to lay down right where I was at and create an angel.  (To be honest, the only thing that stopped me was the fear that I wouldn't be able to get up with all my winter wear!)

At the beginning of this year, it was my goal to blog a few times a week.  My reality is that fatigue continues to be a daily challenge, thus I haven't had the energy for much more than work and family.  (and taking short walks in the snow--smile!)

Cancer interrupted my life, forcing me to let go of some dreams...but now I have new dreams!  If you have a few minutes, and haven't yet done so, please check out the beginning steps of a dream at Hope Lives Now!

Hope Lives Now!

One of the things I love about bloggerville is the opportunity to meet others and read some really inspirational writing.  A few days ago I read a post by Elaine at Peace for the Journey that has challenged and altered some of my thinking.  Elaine states "I’m also a soul walking in solitude right now..."  What a beautiful statement!   Her words made me do a "stop and think."   To think about sitting in solitude with the Lord instead of being "sent to the couch".  How much more uplifting and positive was Elaine's statement than my thinking?? Her statement offers hope, mine sounds more like punishment. Hmmm....Perspective and attitude.

I admit when I realized how my attitude was not in line with God's perspective,  I went on a spiral downward into "no good thinking"?  Even though I celebrate with Elaine and am so inspired by her faithful walk,  I was left doubting my own walk.  Can you believe that I actually wondered if I "did" the cancer journey right?  I kept asking myself....Was I faithful enough?  Was I positive enough?  Did I encourage others on my walk?  Were they able to see God's light shining through my challenges? 

After beating myself up for a few days....and reading other inspiring blogs especially the one today by Lysa at Lysa TerKeurst ...I realized I was fiddling with foolishness.  Lysa's post reminded me we all have our own story.  There is no "right" way to do life or to experience the "cancer" journey.  All survivors have a past and we each have different circumstances that make up our walk. 

So, my story is what it is...and I believe a theme that has developed in my life from my cancer journey story:  Hope!   HOPE that no matter how dark the nights or how fearful the days, there is a very living and loving God walking with each one of us every single step. HOPE lives through us as we walk in faith! HOPE lives now in each one of us! 

If you have the time and want to be inspired check out Elaine's blog at Peace for the Journey or Lysa at Lysa TerKeurst. 

PS.  This week I cut back on all activities except for working 8-4....and it is helping my body heal...I actually went for 2 20 minute walks today.  So, I am planning on keeping the activities limited through the month of December, anticipating that in January I will be out sharing that "Hope lives now!"