Caring Bridge Entries

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 4:40 AM, CST
Good morning! I hope this update finds you all having a great day!
As many of you who are reading this know that yesterday I was surprised by an admission to the hospital. I was starting to feel some better on Monday and actually did go to work on Tuesday, but was having some issues with a low blood pressure, so on the advice of my sweet and smart husband, I called the doctor. She requested that I come in for some IV fluids and labs, told the girls at work be back in a bit....well, my labs showed that I had an extremely low white count...so was admitted to the hospital. Started on IV fluids and antibiotics (precautionary). I kind of left my desk a mess, even have my lunch sitting out:)....sorry Trisha and Jodie, thanks for being so understanding...I only hope some day that I can make it up to you.
A great big and special thanks to Tom and Laurie for being there...you both are our angels on earth!
Thanks also for Rhonda for sitting with me and all her encouragement. I was also blessed by a visit from my parents, what a nice treat!
Sometimes I wonder in amazement at God's timing of events, when in the infusion center, I was blessed to meet the absolutely most delightful woman who is also going through treatment for breast cancer. Her attitude and grace filled me with hope.
When speaking with the oncologists, I learned that with the way my body has responded to chemo...this is going to be a bit more of a challenge than we first anticipated. I feel real sad that I must burden my family and friends with my journey. Please know if there was any other way....
I did have a spiritual "ah ha" moment today. Although at times through this journey, I will admit that I have struggled with God's purpose and plan with breast cancer diagnosis and treatment..not doubting, just wondering,...today I realized, I just need to trust...doesn't really matter if I understand "the plan" or even approve of the "the plan"...it is okay to just trust in Him, knowing that He loves and cares for me every step of the way.(ah,ha) In the book I am reading by Stormie Omartin she talks about whenever we go through difficult times, we anticipate the coming moment when all the pressure is off, the worry has subsided, the healing has manifested, the sadness has lifted, and the pain is gone. We continuously look for God to take away the discomfort we are experiencing. But God wants us to know that even as we wait for those changes to happen, His light is there all the time shining into our darkness. He wants us to trust that, and open our eyes to see it. Thank you Lord for helping me to see this today! Praises also that I was able to find out about my low count before I contacted an infection.
Thanks for your prayers on behalf of my family and myself. May you all have a delightful day!
Thursday, February 19, 2009 7:14 PM, CST
Just a quick update to let everyone know that I was able to come home late this afternoon. I am on "house arrest" through the weekend, as my white count is still low.
Thanks so much to everyone for their prayers and support! Thanks also for the kind words written on the guest book and the emails.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Saturday, February 21, 2009 6:50 AM, CST
In the book of Matthew 10, Christ says, “Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid, you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Wow, was this verse brought to reality in our home…
Ever since our children were little we had a tradition of Friday night pizza and as we all know as our children grow and leave our nest, some traditions fall away. Well, last night at the Vander Poel’s the tradition took place. All of our children were home to celebrate each other with pizza, take family pictures and cut mom’s hair. We had many giggles, especially when we sat there waiting for the timer on the camera to go off and Brett had actually pressed video….yup, took us a bit to catch on to that one. We also shared some tears. (The tears were mostly mine). I am so blessed that my family gave me the gift of time and walked with me through a pretty tough day. Yes, I know hair is a physical thing and yes, it will grow back…I think for me the most challenging part, is that I keep feeling I am being stripped of who I am…first the invasion of cancer, than the mastectomy, then a challenging first round of chemo, “house arrest”, and now the hair…with still a long road to go…After the kids left, I had one of the hardest cry fests of my life, not feeling sorry for myself, just a deep grief for the challenges a cancer patient faces. My first thought when I woke this morning was “daughter, I know the pain was very real, now use it to help others…” Sometimes life is yucky with lots of hurts, but God is just waiting for us to call out to Him, so He can be our Father and provide the comfort and care like only a daddy can give his little ones.
On top of the hair thing, we were blessed yesterday by having a very dear friend come and clean our home. My parents raised us to be hard workers, taking pride in what we do, so having to have someone come help me do “my job” was a huge challenge to my character…bless you Kathy for helping a sister in her walk.
This morning, my sweet husband and I have a date…yes, I am leaving house arrest for a bit, but promise to stay just in my mustang, so shouldn’t be exposed to any germs…we are going to have a breakfast picnic at Newton Hills (state park only 20 minutes from here) and give my hair clippings to the birds. Thinking those birds are going to have some pretty cool nests this spring! So you can see how Matthew 10 has been our reality the last 24 hours…and I am so blessed because I do believe and know how valuable I am to our Lord. It is my prayer today, that all of you who read this, also know how much He loves you too!
Again, thanks so much for everything…food, cards, emails…much appreciated. “House arrest” can feel a little isolating so I am really appreciating the guest book entries and emails. Thanks!
***check out our new pics