This week a young boy from Sioux Falls passed away from cancer. This morning I read from the Team Tayden FB page, an even younger boy was admitted to hospice. A few months ago, one of the most beautiful woman I loved (Kerri Krump) passed away. And there are so many more lives touched (and taken) every day by cancer. 

Six years ago today, as my family waited the cold sterile waiting room of Sanford hospital for 9 hours—I was in the surgery room having my breasts removed. The pain, the emotions, the fear…the questions all return for a visit on this Christmas Eve day. 

I remember the morning of my surgery and the hospital chaplin saying to me…someday you will think cancer is a gift. I remember thinking (in not so nice of words)….well, you know what you can do with this gift! Unfortunately, cancer has a ‘no return’ policy. Six years later, I still don’t see cancer as a gift….but please let me share with you what cancer has shown me:

Cancer showed me fear.

—God showed up and held my hand through many friends and family.

Cancer showed me pain.

—God showed up and comforted me through medications.

Cancer showed me fatigue.

—God showed up and reminded me it is okay to rest.

Cancer showed me courage.

—God showed up through cards, words, and love of others.

Cancer showed me love.

—God showed up through others as they walked with us.

Cancer showed me…..that each one of has a purpose in this life….and a choice on how to live it. We can choose to love others. We can choose to forgive. We can choose to embrace every moment of this life. 

Now, six years later, I am blessed with the perspective of time. 

Yes, cancer robbed me parts of my body and my life. Yes, cancer claimed the lives of some very special people. Yes, cancer sucks! 

Cancer, caused by a cell that got it’s wires crossed up…isn’t a choice—and it happens. Left untreated it most likely will kill. To receive treatment is a choice. Surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and many other options are available to help us fight back. Sometimes the treatment works, sometimes it gives a little more time. Cancer affects all.

Lately, my heart is heavy by another disease that is destroying lives and killing many people. It too starts as a small cell that got it’s wires crossed up…and it starts in the heart and left without treatment it grows to bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. 

Thankfully the treatment for this disease, costs little—well, perhaps some of our pride, but this gift once given, will be one of your greatest gifts ever.

FORGIVENESS!

Cancer has forced me to slow down…and when a person slows down, they get to see things often missed in the busyness of life. I see so much pain and hurt caused by others to others. Some of it may be intentional, often though I believe it is more of a reaction to their own pain (hurt.) Often, it is a mere misunderstanding…and always it is a great waste of time. 

Time…a precious gift! 

This Christmas—My prayer and wish for you is to leave your check books and credit cards at home…and give someone who hurt you the gift of forgiveness.

3 years ago....

Oh, blogger friends, last weekend I started a notebook with all my thoughts on what I wanted to share with you....but time hasn't permitted me the luxury of sharing my words.  The words will have to wait, for tonight, I have a video that I would like to share with you. 

In memory of Susan, who passed away this week.

Now, you may wonder, why am I sharing this video with us?  Maybe it is because Feb 11, 2009 I started chemotherapy, so I am feeling a bit melancholy...maybe because I think Susan did an awesome job on sharing how challenging being bra-less is for women...maybe because my heart aches tonight for the sons and husband, this woman left behind....maybe because cancer ticks me off!! 

If you would like to read more about Susan and her courageous journey, here is a link to her blog: Toddler Planet.

Preparing for surgery

For time sake, I have just copied my caring bridge entry...

These last few weeks have found me really busy trying to balance doctor appointments, working fulltime, being a mom and a wife, implementing new health routines (walking two miles a day—yippee!!) and …..exploring a whole new world—blogging!! To think, a few months ago, I didn’t even know what a blog was, now I find myself not only writing a blog but enjoying the discovery of some really awesome people in blog world.


I am excited to share that my doctor appointments were all great! If all goes as planned, my second stage reconstruction surgery will be on Wednesday morning at 10 am. The surgery will last between 2-4 hours long with one overnight at the hospital. My chest will be wrapped tightly for a few weeks along with those yucky drains. I will be on a 5 lb weight restriction for lifting and no “jiggling” for 6 weeks, so I will have to wait before I can start training for a 5K. (Bummer) We are really hoping that this surgery will relieve the back pain that continues to plague me throughout my days.

With second stage breast reconstruction the expanders that are currently under my chest muscles will be removed and replaced with the softer implant. “Good bye turtles, hello new girls!” As I anticipate this next step, I am filled with fear and anxiety, excitement and joy. The mastectomy was extremely painful and the memory of that surgery fills my mind with dread and fear, not to mention I am not anticipating recovery that I will once again have to endure. Yet, there is great excitement knowing that I am one step closer to finishing this segment of the journey. What joy that I have experienced a very living and vibrant God who has walked with me every step! I am so blessed knowing that God will be in the surgery room, guiding the physician’s hands, providing comfort and the strength to me to continue this race. (I will admit that lately, it has been a bit of a struggle to not feel a bit weary, my body is physically tired from the different cancer treatments and surgery.)

As I reach this stage of my journey, I find myself meditating on the experience of these past 15 months, trying to put the cancer experience into a proper place in my life. Today at church, the scripture that was shared really touched my heart….

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will find true life.” Luke 9: 23-24

I am humbled knowing that for the next few weeks my cross will be simply just getting dressed in the morning…I am excited though, as I do believe my healing is preparing me to carry a new and exciting cross for Him. As I continue to trust that true life is in Christ, I am encouraged by Paul’s words to the Philippians, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (can I add whether in sickness or health?) I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Blessings to you all for a great and prosperious week! Thank you for your continued prayers and support!