Swimming or Sinking in the Moat??

These past few days being void of work obligations has allowed me the benefit of slowing down the pace, catching up on some rest and spending time with my family.  The other evening I watched the movie Eat, Pray and Love with my youngest daughter.  (I haven't read the book yet, but it is definitely on my TBR--to be read list.)  One of the lines in the movie has really been tugging at my heart and it goes something like this:

At times in life a person has to go through the moat, before they reach the castle.

What a great word picture about the journey on the road to healing from cancer treatment.  When a person is first diagnosed with cancer, you are in shock.  You walk around in a disbelief and and find yourself going to many doctor appointments.  You get poked and prodded in ways you never knew possible.  Some have surgery, some have chemotherapy, some have radiation and the really lucky ones get all three! (Just a bit of sarcasm.)  Than you are done with treatment, often emotionally and physically exhausted.   Every survivor swimming through their own moat to reach their castle.

This next weekend will mark my two year "cancerversary!"  The past two years I have had four surgery's, 16 treatments of chemotherapy and six weeks of radiation, all the while working full time, along with my other life roles: wife, mother, grandma, friend, etc.  With this latest surgery (complete hysterectomy and instant menopause), I am finding it a challenge to bounce back, the waters of the moat starting to feel like quick sand.  My body is so very tired....Today, I found myself wondering, "Am I ever going to find myself in the Castle of Good Health and Wellness?"  Shortly after asking myself this question, God, once again, reminded me  it is often in my weakness that I slow down enough to hear Him.  Today He spoke through a blog I follow: At the Well.  Today's blog entry discusses a  "challenge" to memorize Psalm 121.  The words from this Psalm offer such hope and encouragement!  What better way to celebrate this week than to write these words of my Father on my heart.  Would you like to join the challenge?  If so, check out At the Well.

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

ps. regarding my fatigue...I know...I know.... it has only been six weeks....  the doctors and nurses have warned me that I should expect a year or two of fatigue and I am trying to listen. (but do so hope that I can prove them wrong!)  And yes, to me, every day is a true miracle and blessing and I am grateful for the opportunity to even complain of fatigue!   I also consider it a great blessing to have the opportunity to share my thoughts in bloggersville (and practice my writing :)

My prayer is that other survivors will find encouragement knowing that you are not alone in your moat!



Just checking in!

Hi everyone!  Wow, it has been two weeks since I lasted updated...Unfortunately Mr Fatigue has me looking like this:

The reality of working full time, daily physical therapy and normal life has left me with little energy....BUT....I am doing really good considering what my body has been through these past two years.  The lymphedema is getting under good control and thankfully the only menopausal symptoms that I have been experiencing are a few hot flashes and random headaches. 

I am hoping to be able to update my blog more regularly, but if I am absent, please extend me grace.  Two years ago this week, I found the lump that forever changed my life....and as any cancer survivor knows...when the day of your cancerversary approaches, along comes many emotions and ponderings....

Thanking God for His ever presence on this journey!

Some pondering thoughts from the movie the Bucket List~

1)  Are you living your life with joy?

2)  Does your life bring joy to others?

Tator Tot Thoughts

A few weeks back a group of us from our church had gathered together to prepare some freezer meals. Our gatherings are always a good time. Not only do we feel good about making meals to assist others, our relationships with each other deepen. Typically we prepare BBQ’s, lasagna, chicken potpie and tator tot hotdish. Since I have been making tator tot hotdish for over 25 years, I confidently gave the instructions to the individuals assigned to this task. Brown the ground beef, drain, mix with cream soup, a bit of milk and spread out in pan. Add a layer of your choice of veggies. Dump the tots on top. Viola’ you have tator tot hotdish. Imagine my surprise when one of the individuals, instead of dumping the tator tots, he was carefully lining the tots up in a rows. Now, I am a gardener, so I am familiar with corn rows, bean rows, carrot rows, etc. Rows of tator tots?? I hadn’t ever seen anyone put tator tots in rows. I didn’t know such a thing could be done. With my heart racing… I politely asked, “What are you doing?” He explained to me, the rows of tots look nicer and with the rows it is easier to serve. Amazing…all I ever knew was to dump the tots on top and scoop out your serving. Now, you are probable wondering, why am I wasting your time writing about such a simple thing as tator tots in rows or dumped? Well, you could say, I found a few spiritual lessons with those tots. First of all, there is more than one way of doing things. As a church community made up of several individual members, this experience reminded me that there are multiple ways to achieve the same goal. Like the tots being lined up or dumped, neither is right or wrong, just different. Both end up with same result, a delicious meal. Secondly, I learned that in a community there will be some individuals, like the tots, who need to be lined up and neat, while the others of us are okay being dumped and scattered. The reminder is that God loves us either way!!

How do you make your tatortot hotdish? Do you line up the tots in a row or do you dump the tots on top? Is there an advantage to either?

Sometimes life can be like a tator tot hotdish...we take the time to be all pretty and lined up and there are times when all we can do is dump and scoop.