Wednesday, March 11, 2009 8:48 PM, CDT
Happy Wednesday! Today, I was so happy to be going into the office; I hardly noticed the temp was 4 below. (Ferlin noticed though, as he was up at 4 am spreading salt and shoveling—poor guy.) Today was the best I have felt since last chemo; too bad it’s time for chemo #3 tomorrow. I have my blankets and pink sleep hat ready, plus the saltines, chicken broth, and mashed potatoes. The fatigue associated with chemo is absolutely indescribable and something I am praying that none of you ever have to experience. It’s a shame to spend so much time sleeping, when there are so many friends to converse with and good books to be read (and so many thank you notes to write—please accept my apologies for not getting these out in a timely manner.)
It is my understanding that I shouldn’t have to be admitted to the hospital for chemo this time…although the staff at Avera has been so super kind and truly understand the concept of great customer service, home is where my heart is. We are also going to make a few adjustments to see if we can help with the white count from going so low.
I came across something in a book I was reading the other day that greatly encouraged me: “Like seeds, we must be willing to be broken in order to grow into what we are made to be.—when we think of all the energy we expend resisting endings and change, wonder what new life we’ve missed that God has for us”. I am working real hard at trying to not be so stubborn about resting and slowing down, instead to understand that this is just a “season” in my life. Thinking that Jack and His beanstalk will look pretty tiny by the time I am done with this season of growingJ
Thank you so much for everyone’s kindness and love shown to my family and me. Too be honest, Ferlin and I are so humbled by all of you…it is so hard to be on the receiving end of your generosity. I just can’t wait for the day to be able to bless all of you and “pay it forward”. We truly appreciate everything! Your love and prayers have helped repair the potholes in the road we are traveling on at this time. Thank you and many blessings to you all!
Ps…your words of encouragement on caring bridges, emails, cards and phone calls also are really appreciated! One of the greatest joys in my life is investing in the lives of others and it saddens me that this area of my life has been put on hold, so thank you for caring about me!
Monday, March 16, 2009 5:19 PM, CDT
What a beautiful spring day we were blessed with today!
Just thought I would give everyone a quick update on chemo #3. Dr Krie had switched some things around so actually the first few days went better than prior chemo’s. Yesterday was a Rip Van Winkle day…actually he is a poor choice to compare myself too, because even if he did sleep 20 years, he was a man who I hear was lazy and tried to avoid work…and I definitely don’t think I fit that description. Today was my "tough" day…kind of felt like I was coming down with a bad case of the stomach flu…but, since I hate to complain, I kind of hibernated the day away. I rested; worked a bit, rested, and worked a bit… this afternoon I was very blessed to be able to go sit on the deck for about 10 minutes…had to tease my sweet hubby that with my bald head I was really able to soak up the vitamin DJ
At times, it is a challenge to not be frustrated by the limitations imposed by treatment. Interestingly enough, this morning when I got back from the infusion center, I did a google search…Is chemotherapy worth it?...guess what? There were 780,000 others that had googled the same question. So I guess I am not alone! I, of course, know that any chance of being blessed with life is worth the fight, even when we get battle weary. I know that while I may be fighting a physical battle, some of you are fighting a bigger battle— please know that I am praying for you and that there is a God just waiting for you to step off the path of “urgencies”, for you to seek Him and let Him love on YOU!
My plan for the rest of the week is to try and go into the office for a few hours a day…praying the white count doesn’t dip too low! And, as I told a very special friend the other evening, I so appreciate the love, care and time invested by all of you in helping me on this journey, and since, I don't want any of your gifts to be wasted, I am going to do my best to make healthy choices (even if that means I have to stay home from work) so I can recover as quickly as I can!! Thank you everyone, may your week be filled with many blessings!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009 10:24 PM, CDT
For some of us who have been getting zeros for church attendance these last few months, it is such a treat to be able to hear the weekly sermon on the web. I do have a confession, though; it has taken me a few times to get through this week’s sermon (Allen is a wonderful teacher…his voice was just so calming)…zzzz’s….(good thing I can blame it on postchemo fatigue) As usual his topic hit home, and since I’m not able to visit in conversation with you all, I thought I would share a few highlights here… he started out talking about living a life of abundance or scarcity. I really want you all to know that although it may seem lately that I have shared more of the struggles of chemo/breast cancer; I truly am living a life of abundance, filled with so many blessings! In his sermon, Allen talks about us being conveyer’s; letting God’s blessings pass through us to others…This whole topic really hit me hard, as I still continue to struggle with receiving the blessings and kindness of others, instead of saying thank you; I say…how much do I owe you? Or I can’t wait to pay you back. Allen referenced Eph 2:8-10, salvation is a gift, not something we earn. Why is it so hard for us as humans to receive love? Instead of thinking we have to do something to earn it? Knowing that when others bless us they are being used by God, living the example of Christ…
A quick update on me, most days I feel between a 4 to 6 on a scale of 1 to 10, but that is much better than the 1’s and 2’s those few days after chemo…also I know that by next week, I should be up to 7’s and 8’s…and then only once more in this series of chemo treatment. I have made it to work in the mornings the last few days, what a blessing to be able to love your job, coworkers and company! I have even been driving a bit…Mustang season!!! Still continue to take mini naps throughout the day and can’t help but giggle over the cravings, poor Ferlin, it would be so much easier if it was the same thing, but nope, every day it is something different (last night, he got lucky, peanut butter and jelly sandwich was all I could handle)…Thanks for all your prayers on my behalf.
Well, I guess there is a benefit at the Firehouse for the VanderPoel’s Thursday night.…Ferlin and the kids will be there, I am so hoping I get to go (praying the white count stays up enough)….I am almost giddy at the chance of being able to visit with you all!!!! THANK YOU to everyone for helping with the benefit and your support during this time. May God bless you many times over for your generosity and kindness!!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Caring Bridge Entries
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 9:06 PM, CST
My brother, Jody is right…bald heads in South Dakota winters get cold! But you all should see the cute little pink fleece hat I have to wear. When I give my hubby his good night kiss, I tease him that he is kissing Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie with her night cap on…
An update on how chemo #2 went…first of all I found out that the chemo regime I am currently taking is rated 5 out of 5 for side effects (no wonder it kicks me!)…but the good news is I am half done with this first round, only two more to go! As most of you know, I was put in the hospital with this round, we needed to monitor my heart as the chemo (or premeds they give me with the chemo) is making my heart go a little too fast. With this hospitalization we found out that as long as I take it very easy (like, not do anything…) my heart rate stays manageable. Even a simple walk to the bathroom would elevate my heart rate, which ends up making me short of breath and really nauseous. Speaking of nausea, the meds they gave me in the hospital made it more manageable than the first round. (Only had nausea the first few days) The hardest and most challenging for me is the extreme (and I mean, extreme) fatigue. I never knew a person could sleep so much and then sleep some more. I keep trying to remind myself that this is just a season and it too, shall pass. So far, thanks to a very understanding and caring employer, I have been able to work a flexible schedule…I actually made it to the office for four hours today!
I’ve been wearing my wig when I go out in public, but at home “bald is beautiful!”…the spirit within me doesn’t like to be confined to a hat/wig…I have been experimenting with scarves and actually don’t mind them; they provide a “fun” element to the wardrobe. One thing for sure is that it doesn’t take me long to get ready in the morning!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! To all are walking this journey with my family and I. We truly appreciate and are grateful for all your love and kindness. The cards, emails, guest book entries are read over and over; especially on the tougher days…they are an encouragement and a blessing! The delicious meals we have received (and clean house) are also so appreciated!
**please know that it is not my intent to ever have my journal entries be a “pity party”, it would be so easy to write only of the good times, but that wouldn’t be the reality of life with cancer. It is my prayer and hope that my journal entries bless you, my friend who is reading, knowing that even though the road of cancer can be a hard and challenging, filled with frustration and tears at time, laughter and joy at other times…we all can take comfort in knowing that there is a God who gives us strength when we can’t stand, courage when we are frightened, and love at ALL times! My blessings to you all!
Friday, March 6, 2009 1:21 PM, CST
Happy Friday to you all! It looks like an absolutely beautiful day outside and I hear we may have some snow this weekend…sure will make Mr. Ferlin happy.
Well, sometimes we find ourselves on a journey in life where it gets a bit tougher than we expected, last evening after I got home from work; I started experiencing chills, low grade fever and a rapid heart rate. Consulted with the doctor on call and was advised to go to the ER. Can you guess where this is heading? Yup, I was admitted to the hospital with a really low white count and started on IV antibiotics. Actually by the time we were through in ER I was feeling pretty crumby, so didn’t mind the admission. Feeling some better this morning, still struggling with fever/chills, but not near as bad. The doctor said this morning that I can go home when my counts go up, so hopefully tomorrow! This makes the third admission in three weeks, I told Ferlin this morning…”three strikes and I’m out”. Though we have once again “hit a bump”, I am so thankful for the gift of faith. To be able to call out to God, brought such comfort in a scary time. Thank you for all those who prayed on my behalf. Today I came across this verse in my “joy” notebook, Isaiah 40:31 states “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…they will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” What greatness and encouragement to know that the Lord gives us the strength when we are weary! Blessings to you all!
I will let you know when I get to go home. Oh, yah, I was going to let you all know that lint rollers work great as a brush when stubbles of hair are falling out! Who would of thought?
Sunday, March 8, 2009 5:19 PM, CDT
Hi Everyone,
We got Kim's password from her to get on her Caring
Bridge Site. Kim and Ferlin's friends are planning a
Benefit meal and silent auction to be held Thursday, March 19th, 2009 at the Firehouse Underground
located at 400 N. Main, downtown Siioux Falls.
The benefit will be starting at 5:00 p.m. and go until
8:00 p.m. We would love to see all our friends and family at the benefit.
Thanks--Sandy(Kim's mom) and Bobbi(Kim's sister)
P.S.--Kim wanted us to let every one know she is
getting out of the hospital tonight. Good for Kim!
My brother, Jody is right…bald heads in South Dakota winters get cold! But you all should see the cute little pink fleece hat I have to wear. When I give my hubby his good night kiss, I tease him that he is kissing Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie with her night cap on…
An update on how chemo #2 went…first of all I found out that the chemo regime I am currently taking is rated 5 out of 5 for side effects (no wonder it kicks me!)…but the good news is I am half done with this first round, only two more to go! As most of you know, I was put in the hospital with this round, we needed to monitor my heart as the chemo (or premeds they give me with the chemo) is making my heart go a little too fast. With this hospitalization we found out that as long as I take it very easy (like, not do anything…) my heart rate stays manageable. Even a simple walk to the bathroom would elevate my heart rate, which ends up making me short of breath and really nauseous. Speaking of nausea, the meds they gave me in the hospital made it more manageable than the first round. (Only had nausea the first few days) The hardest and most challenging for me is the extreme (and I mean, extreme) fatigue. I never knew a person could sleep so much and then sleep some more. I keep trying to remind myself that this is just a season and it too, shall pass. So far, thanks to a very understanding and caring employer, I have been able to work a flexible schedule…I actually made it to the office for four hours today!
I’ve been wearing my wig when I go out in public, but at home “bald is beautiful!”…the spirit within me doesn’t like to be confined to a hat/wig…I have been experimenting with scarves and actually don’t mind them; they provide a “fun” element to the wardrobe. One thing for sure is that it doesn’t take me long to get ready in the morning!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! To all are walking this journey with my family and I. We truly appreciate and are grateful for all your love and kindness. The cards, emails, guest book entries are read over and over; especially on the tougher days…they are an encouragement and a blessing! The delicious meals we have received (and clean house) are also so appreciated!
**please know that it is not my intent to ever have my journal entries be a “pity party”, it would be so easy to write only of the good times, but that wouldn’t be the reality of life with cancer. It is my prayer and hope that my journal entries bless you, my friend who is reading, knowing that even though the road of cancer can be a hard and challenging, filled with frustration and tears at time, laughter and joy at other times…we all can take comfort in knowing that there is a God who gives us strength when we can’t stand, courage when we are frightened, and love at ALL times! My blessings to you all!
Friday, March 6, 2009 1:21 PM, CST
Happy Friday to you all! It looks like an absolutely beautiful day outside and I hear we may have some snow this weekend…sure will make Mr. Ferlin happy.
Well, sometimes we find ourselves on a journey in life where it gets a bit tougher than we expected, last evening after I got home from work; I started experiencing chills, low grade fever and a rapid heart rate. Consulted with the doctor on call and was advised to go to the ER. Can you guess where this is heading? Yup, I was admitted to the hospital with a really low white count and started on IV antibiotics. Actually by the time we were through in ER I was feeling pretty crumby, so didn’t mind the admission. Feeling some better this morning, still struggling with fever/chills, but not near as bad. The doctor said this morning that I can go home when my counts go up, so hopefully tomorrow! This makes the third admission in three weeks, I told Ferlin this morning…”three strikes and I’m out”. Though we have once again “hit a bump”, I am so thankful for the gift of faith. To be able to call out to God, brought such comfort in a scary time. Thank you for all those who prayed on my behalf. Today I came across this verse in my “joy” notebook, Isaiah 40:31 states “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…they will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” What greatness and encouragement to know that the Lord gives us the strength when we are weary! Blessings to you all!
I will let you know when I get to go home. Oh, yah, I was going to let you all know that lint rollers work great as a brush when stubbles of hair are falling out! Who would of thought?
Sunday, March 8, 2009 5:19 PM, CDT
Hi Everyone,
We got Kim's password from her to get on her Caring
Bridge Site. Kim and Ferlin's friends are planning a
Benefit meal and silent auction to be held Thursday, March 19th, 2009 at the Firehouse Underground
located at 400 N. Main, downtown Siioux Falls.
The benefit will be starting at 5:00 p.m. and go until
8:00 p.m. We would love to see all our friends and family at the benefit.
Thanks--Sandy(Kim's mom) and Bobbi(Kim's sister)
P.S.--Kim wanted us to let every one know she is
getting out of the hospital tonight. Good for Kim!
Caring Bridge Entries
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 5:31 AM, CST
Happy Wednesday!
We have been busy just enjoying the last few days of feeling good! Saturday night we were blessed with some friends coming over: the girls stayed and "babysat" me and the guys took Ferlin out for a much needed "cancer free" evening. On Sunday, my brother Josh, his wife, Sue and three delightful children came to visit. They gave me this really cool tshirt that said "fight like a girl". Later that afternoon, special friends (and kalina's in laws) Deb and Terry stopped by for a visit. Thank you everyone for helping with the lonliness of "house arrest".
On Monday, I was able to work a full shift. Everyone at DAKOTACARE is absolutely wonderful and so supportive! (I had thought about wearing my wig or scarves, but knew it was going to be hard enough strength wise to even make it a whole shift, so I just went with the hair. I was so excited to work that I figured "bad hair" was better than no work). I was really tired when I got home, took a bit of a nap and was served supper by my sweet husband.
With every day I am getting stronger and "spunkier"...
Second round with chemo is Thursday. The plan is for me to get lab work, meet with the doctor and if all looks good will be admitted to the hospital for chemo. Last time I ran into some issues with a rapid heart rate and they want to monitor a little closer this time. If all goes well, I will only have to spend one night. Thank you all who have stepped in to help manage my life while I am taking a step back.
I received a card yesterday from a very dear friend that had the most appropriate bible verse for me to cling to as chemo comes closer: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps 46:1...as the apprehension of tackling round 2 starts to increase, I am holding this verse very near to my heart.
Words could never be enough to express our thanks and appreciation. May your day be filled with many blessings!
**although I absolutely love flowers, just wanted to let everyone know that due to low white counts, I am unable to receive them.
Saturday, February 28, 2009 1:44 PM, CST
Just wanted to give a quick update to let everyone know that I am home from hospital. Still pretty weak and nauseated, but know this is part of the kicking cancer and healing. As Ferlin has a very busy weekend, my sister Tammy picked me up from the hospital and babysat me this afternoon. My hair is falling out like crazy, so Tammy just went to pick up kalina too do the "buzz" job...urggh, one more step on this cancer journey. I believe that my parents will be coming over shortly to finish babysitting me for the afternoon and evening.
I was wondering what is the biggest word that I could use to experss our thanks for all the kindness bestowed on our family? We so appreciate everything from the meals, to house cleaning, help with kelsey, gifts, time spent with me at the hospital...the list gets longer...I get more humbled..I know one thing God is really smiling down on all of you for helping, caring, sharing and loving. You all have made a very long road, much easier. Thank you!
ps...on a funny note, I was awarded the "good patient award" from the nurses last night for being such a good girl. Got my own plastic glove with candies tied to it! What a great staff of nurses that I was blessed with.
Sunday, March 1, 2009 6:42 PM, CST
An interesting question I have received lately from many is how do I feel about losing my hair? Since I have been too fatigued today to do anything else except ponder things, I thought I would share a bit of personal reflection on this subject. This morning was the first time I was able to take a really good look at my new “bald” status, the question that came to my mind was “who am I?” My appearance is so different from such a short while ago. While, I have never been a person who really looked at the outward appearance of a person, preferring to look more at the heart and character, I couldn’t help but be saddened by my “new look”. Then, I started to thinking; I wonder what others are going to think when they see me? Are they going to be able to see beyond the cancer image? Are they going to be scared, as my reality makes them wonder? Are they still going to see me? Then I started thinking maybe a better question to ask, what do I want others to see when they see my “new look?” I want others to see that my hair loss is just another step in my physical healing. I want others to see that although it will be hard to go out in public, God is giving me strength. I want others to see the “joy” of loving others and being loved by them.
Interestingly enough, Pastor Allen’s sermon today was titled “who am I?” He shares how in Eph 3:17-19 Paul reminds us that God’s love is total. It reaches every corner of our experience. It is wide, it is long, it is high and it is deep. What a wonderful reminder to my family and I as we walk with this journey…that God’s love covers the width of our experiences, covers the length of our lives, rises to the heights of our celebration and elation and that His love is deep—it reaches to the depths of the discouragement, despair, and even death.
Although, it is still a challenge to look in the mirror and be reminded of all the changes, I take great comfort knowing that God’s love lives in me!
Thanks for everyone’s prayers for round two of chemo. Your prayers enabled me to go through with the infusion, when my body and mind was saying…run, run, run!!!
Ps. One good thing about hair loss in these economic times, think how much money I will save on hair productsJ….
Happy Wednesday!
We have been busy just enjoying the last few days of feeling good! Saturday night we were blessed with some friends coming over: the girls stayed and "babysat" me and the guys took Ferlin out for a much needed "cancer free" evening. On Sunday, my brother Josh, his wife, Sue and three delightful children came to visit. They gave me this really cool tshirt that said "fight like a girl". Later that afternoon, special friends (and kalina's in laws) Deb and Terry stopped by for a visit. Thank you everyone for helping with the lonliness of "house arrest".
On Monday, I was able to work a full shift. Everyone at DAKOTACARE is absolutely wonderful and so supportive! (I had thought about wearing my wig or scarves, but knew it was going to be hard enough strength wise to even make it a whole shift, so I just went with the hair. I was so excited to work that I figured "bad hair" was better than no work). I was really tired when I got home, took a bit of a nap and was served supper by my sweet husband.
With every day I am getting stronger and "spunkier"...
Second round with chemo is Thursday. The plan is for me to get lab work, meet with the doctor and if all looks good will be admitted to the hospital for chemo. Last time I ran into some issues with a rapid heart rate and they want to monitor a little closer this time. If all goes well, I will only have to spend one night. Thank you all who have stepped in to help manage my life while I am taking a step back.
I received a card yesterday from a very dear friend that had the most appropriate bible verse for me to cling to as chemo comes closer: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps 46:1...as the apprehension of tackling round 2 starts to increase, I am holding this verse very near to my heart.
Words could never be enough to express our thanks and appreciation. May your day be filled with many blessings!
**although I absolutely love flowers, just wanted to let everyone know that due to low white counts, I am unable to receive them.
Saturday, February 28, 2009 1:44 PM, CST
Just wanted to give a quick update to let everyone know that I am home from hospital. Still pretty weak and nauseated, but know this is part of the kicking cancer and healing. As Ferlin has a very busy weekend, my sister Tammy picked me up from the hospital and babysat me this afternoon. My hair is falling out like crazy, so Tammy just went to pick up kalina too do the "buzz" job...urggh, one more step on this cancer journey. I believe that my parents will be coming over shortly to finish babysitting me for the afternoon and evening.
I was wondering what is the biggest word that I could use to experss our thanks for all the kindness bestowed on our family? We so appreciate everything from the meals, to house cleaning, help with kelsey, gifts, time spent with me at the hospital...the list gets longer...I get more humbled..I know one thing God is really smiling down on all of you for helping, caring, sharing and loving. You all have made a very long road, much easier. Thank you!
ps...on a funny note, I was awarded the "good patient award" from the nurses last night for being such a good girl. Got my own plastic glove with candies tied to it! What a great staff of nurses that I was blessed with.
Sunday, March 1, 2009 6:42 PM, CST
An interesting question I have received lately from many is how do I feel about losing my hair? Since I have been too fatigued today to do anything else except ponder things, I thought I would share a bit of personal reflection on this subject. This morning was the first time I was able to take a really good look at my new “bald” status, the question that came to my mind was “who am I?” My appearance is so different from such a short while ago. While, I have never been a person who really looked at the outward appearance of a person, preferring to look more at the heart and character, I couldn’t help but be saddened by my “new look”. Then, I started to thinking; I wonder what others are going to think when they see me? Are they going to be able to see beyond the cancer image? Are they going to be scared, as my reality makes them wonder? Are they still going to see me? Then I started thinking maybe a better question to ask, what do I want others to see when they see my “new look?” I want others to see that my hair loss is just another step in my physical healing. I want others to see that although it will be hard to go out in public, God is giving me strength. I want others to see the “joy” of loving others and being loved by them.
Interestingly enough, Pastor Allen’s sermon today was titled “who am I?” He shares how in Eph 3:17-19 Paul reminds us that God’s love is total. It reaches every corner of our experience. It is wide, it is long, it is high and it is deep. What a wonderful reminder to my family and I as we walk with this journey…that God’s love covers the width of our experiences, covers the length of our lives, rises to the heights of our celebration and elation and that His love is deep—it reaches to the depths of the discouragement, despair, and even death.
Although, it is still a challenge to look in the mirror and be reminded of all the changes, I take great comfort knowing that God’s love lives in me!
Thanks for everyone’s prayers for round two of chemo. Your prayers enabled me to go through with the infusion, when my body and mind was saying…run, run, run!!!
Ps. One good thing about hair loss in these economic times, think how much money I will save on hair productsJ….
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