Hi everyone! Well, it has been awhile since I've updated this blog. To be honest, I was struggling with what to
say. The last few months have found me
searching, seeking, and healing. I tell
you, NO ONE prepares a person for life after cancer.
It was 4 years ago, that I heard the words, “You have an
invasive, aggressive breast cancer.” My world was rocked. I thought my life was
over. But God (in His glory) had
different plans.
Although the road to recovery is taking me much longer than
I expected, I wouldn't trade the journey of the last four years for anything.
For in this journey, I experienced God’s truth and hope. I love this sentence from Dan Allender’s Book
To BeTold, “True hope stares down
pain and fear and waits expectantly for God to appear.”
Yes, I experienced
pain.
Yes, I experienced fear.
Yes, I saw God appear!
For those of you who are newly in the cancer journey….have
HOPE!
Cancer will change your life—some for the good, some for the
not so good. But, you CAN do it!! (Even if/when
you have to do it afraid.) My best
advice is to allow yourself to ask questions and permission to any feelings you
may have—whether it is sadness, anger, joy, or gratitude. If you have tears—let
them out! If you have laughter—enjoy! It is your journey…walk it any way you want…but
just remember, keep walking. It is so
sad to see someone who gets “stuck” in their cancer journey. I guess, to me,
cancer is a chapter of my life story, but not the whole book.
Which leads me to the main reason for this blog post, the
last few months I have been struggling not only with some of the physical side
effects of treatment (like having to have my 3rd root canal this
year and ongoing fatigue/pain), financial setbacks due to the cost of treatment
and ongoing appointments, but I have been struggling a bit emotionally, too.
Now, don’t get me wrong…I have a great life. I have awesome
family and friends, along with an amazing job.
Maybe that is why I am frustrated to find myself trying to tackle the
question of “Now, what?” How can I live a life of “no regrets?” What does it
look like to not sleep walk through the remainder of my days?
After some self-evaluation, it seems as if I have many
ingredients but don’t know what recipe I am cooking. Am I making breakfast,
lunch or supper? Or am I to be making the snack, or dessert?
Last week, I took some time off from work to visit my
daughter in Montana. I was hoping that the change in scenery and daily schedule
would help me find my recipe. Although
that didn't happen…I have a feeling I am to be making a dessert. (or maybe breakfast…for sure one of these two,
as they are my favorites J)
A few things I do know…
- I love to blog and do foresee continuing that in
the future. Hopefully, after the first
of the year, I will be able to share a new and exciting direction that I am
taking my blogging.
- I need to regain my strength, endurance and
energy. I do well if I keep careful tabs
on my schedule. (Unfortunately, this
means, I have to say No, more than I get to say Yes.)
- Don’t ask me why (as I don’t have an answer) but
I feel the need to gain some speaking skills, so I joined Toastmasters in
October. Although, public speaking is a
bit frightening, I am excited for this opportunity.
- Hope Lives Now! I have struggled if we should
continue this organization or not?? In
sharing with others, there seems to be a need, but also it takes funds. I am contemplating if we should seek a
non-profit status and do more active fundraising. Every day, I hear of more and more
individuals struggling with cancer and/or other challenging health conditions. It just breaks my heart and I so wish we
could offer hope and encouragement to them all.
So we will see....
There are no words that could ever thank each and every one
of you for your kindness, love and support these past 4 years. May God bless you!
PS. A few of you have
asked about my back and neck pain, we have gotten it under control enough that
I was able to discontinue physical therapy. (My home stretching program helps
greatly.)
PSS. In case you are interested in health and wellness, I blog on Thursdays at
Be Well South Dakota.
